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Solution: I don't even think the awesome power of pie could help me.

Circumstance: I'm still in pain.
Solution: Give up a random circumstance so you get better.

Circumstance: You are destined to the task of making up stupid circusmtaces while feeling the pain in your testicles, the pie comes flying and is eaten by me. So, X = ???
Solution: don't make stupid circumstances thus negating the entire thing.

Circumstance: Your lost on a dessert island. What do you do for food?
Solution: I charm the fish...then I'll swim my way to the nearest civilized country.

Circumstance: A shark spots me only two miles away from my destination.
Solution: Find the fish again and feed it to the shark. While hes distracted, swim as far as possible.

Circumstance: The island of "civilized" people is actually filled with cannibals.
Solution: They wouldn't like me. I'm all tough and chewey.

Circumstance: We bring technology to the cannibals and now they're spreading around the world.
Solution: They are destroyed by robots with AI.

Circumstance: we are now being invaded by flesh eating robots.
Solution: Give them all the flesh they want from all the cosmetic surgeries instead of throwing it away...

Circumstance: How are you going to find that many fat people?...
Solution: start fattening up some celebrities.

Circumstance: They don't want to cooperate.
Solution: Tell them its the best diet on the market....

Circumstance: Now there too big to carry to the office....