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Solution: two words. Off. Button.

Circumstance: your body is very slowly turning to stone from the feet up.

Solution: Use a meg remdedy thus removing it from my sytem but it has some bad side effects....

Circumstance: Your ass feelslikeits on fire.....

Solution: Let it burn. I enjoy pain nowadays...

Circumstance: I'm all alone in the castle... I have no one to keep me company- and I'm bored. I have a box that contains random items of amusement- but it only works when there's someone else around.

Solution: If my NC-17 mind is correct, leave me out of it.

Circumstance: I just ate an entire XL pizza by myself. I think I'm gonna hurl.

Solution: Throw you into the bathroom while singing a song about fast food.

Circumstance: *wags tail* I can't think of anything...

Solution: Here *hands him a copy of, "Book o' dumb circumstances"*

Circumstance: I dunno. Mister Rogers is trying to teach us about our feelings?

Solution: Grab a Pie and stuff it in my mouth to prevent yelling.

Cricumstance: We are lost in the forest and only have three ducks and a wolf.

Solution: I yiff the wolf so that gets one out of the way. Hopefully afterwards he could give us the answers.....

Circumstance: You are left with three ducks..... ... . . .

Which are sold to a Chinese take away. Peiking duck, anybody?

Circumstance; if Jamie is x metres tall, Janette is twice as tall as Jamie, but three times smaller than Gary, who is exactly five times larger than Christian who is y metres tall, how tall is Imhotep?

Solution: *head explodes because I heck do know who is Imhotep*

Circumstance: You can't find your brain.