I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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President of the company: You need a shave.
Me: Byron has a beard, and I think it works for him. I guess it doesn't work for me?
President of the company: That's not a beard; you're just unshaven. That's just lazy.
Me: Yeah, you got me there.
Secretary 1: A man in my town was killed by his son at the age of 85.
Secretary 2: How was he killed?
Secretary 1: The police report says he was punched about the face and chest area.
Me: So I
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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Regarding a comment my sister made...
Mom: She's become rather pessimistic in the last few months.
Me: I know; I like the new attitude.
Mom: I don't; it's like having two of you.
President of the company: How can you not like dogs?
Me: I just don't like pets. I'm more of a people person. Actually, I don't like people either. I like toys; I don't like living things.
Secretary: Okay, now you're starting to scare me. Do you have heads in your freezer?
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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President's nephew: How easy is it to get the train to Boston?
Me: Why do you want to go to Boston?
President's nephew: There's nothing to do in this town. I'm in my twenties. I need to get out to the city. I need stimulation.
Me: Try playing Sonic the Hedgehog.
Bad: My apartment has paper-thin walls.
Good: I can hear my coed neighbors having sex while I'm trying to masturbate.
Bad: They take fifteen minutes, and I take over a half hour.
There, now let's see someone call me a nerd and/or loser for posting that one. On second thought, that won't be necessary.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
They bring in Billy Joel just to sing the National Anthem, and they let Prince do the halftime show. I have come to two conclusions:
1. Prince has no songs of his own.
2. The Super Bowl planners are idiots.
"She's Britney Spears: not a girl, not yet Kurt Cobain."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"As I eat my dinner of high fiber cereal, I watch through my window to the window of the young couple who live across the street. I think they're just talking, and I think I've just reached a whole new level of pathetic."
"I saw the video of a 101-year-old woman with a walker getting mugged and punched in the face... and I shamelessly laughed my ass off."