I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"Why do I get more respect from professional engineers at work than I do from my own parents? How did I manage to get accepted as the spotlight poet in a poetry magazine, but I still can't get accepted as a boyfriend? Why is it that the more I try to help people solve their problems, and the more I try to make the world a better place, the more I'm hated by the people who think they know me? How did I keep this thread going for 200 posts?"
"But if I tie the wires too tightly, the boss says the solder joint 'looks like shit.' I need to find the right balance between tight resistor soldering and shit."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"Really, I'll be fine...as soon as the lead particles leave my lungs."
Me: My dad keeps breaking from his diet. He already has the first signs of diabetes.
Hairdresser: Isn't your dad a doctor?
Me: Yeah, but he's also a hypocrite.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"In the dining hall, a pretty girl I don't know says hi to me while I'm getting my food. Then she sits down and gives her boyfriend a very long and passionate kiss. Somehow, this scenario doesn't surprise me. It's going to be another "great" school year."
"I was considering karate lessons, but since I can intimidate a black belt with the kicks I taught myself, I probably don't need to take karate lessons."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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Potential girlfriend: I don't mean to sound like a stalker, but I noticed in your profile that you're a member of the United Virgins? Does that mean what I think it does?
Me: Yes, I'm a virgin, and don't worry about sounding like a stalker. Some people think I sound like a stalker. Um, disregard that.
Me: You want me to dumb down my poem?
Creative writing professor: Well, you have to remember your audience.
Me: My audience is English majors.
Creative writing professor: Right, and your words were too big for the rest of the class.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"Fun" with Professor Murphy, in computational mechanics:
Professor Murphy: This is called the Newton-Raphson Method. I don't know how Raphson got his name attached. I'd like to have my name on a method.
Me: You've already got your name on a law.
Professor Murphy: That's not really my name, and it's not really complimentary.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Me: Don't expect much from me on these assignments. I'm not a programmer or a numerical analysist.
Professor Murphy: Neither am I; nobody is. That's why this is a required course.
For my 1600th post, a quote anyone can use:
"How do I arrange a list of things I don't care about, and what would be the point?"