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"A little under ten years ago, back when I was the most popular kid in school, the most popular girl in school asked me on a date. I agreed, but I never followed up on it, and we never went anywhere. If somebody had told me that I'd have to wait until the next time the Red Sox won the pennant to go on anything remotely close to a date, I probably would've persued the offer a bit further."
Senior Girl: I hate going to the infirmary. I always feel like they're judging me.
Me: Think of it this way; you'd have a lot more to be ashamed of if you hadn't asked for those "morning after" pills.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"A turd and a douche? Trey and Matt had all Summer, and that was the best they could come up with? Either they're getting lazy, or that Team America thing drained them creatively."
"The best thing about walking through a dark room made out to be a haunted house is that it's too dark for witnesses. So, if any "ghoul" tries to grab me, my reflex can be to kick him in the face, and I can get away with it."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"With the bus ride and the line, it was two hours that I'm never going to get back, and it didn't really matter, because I don't live in a swing state, but still, I'm glad that I voted."
"You want to know why I'm not smiling? There's a line of people behind you who also want to checkout, and I don't think they're willing to wait an extra ten minutes."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"I don't get a haircut until my vision is 10% obstructed."
"The masking tape held the sign to the counter, and the kid began ripping it off for no reason. I looked at the kid's face, and I realized the kid was retarded. Then the kid started chewing the tape, and I realized he was very retarded."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"I'm not above wearing a neon green polo shirt to my exam in order to distract my fellow students in a vain attempt to give myself a better curve."
"Hiring the meanest looking dude you can find to play the part of your boyfriend might fool the psych major you don't want to date, but it'll just piss off the psych patient you do want to date. Not that I wanted to date you anyway, but now I don't even want to be your friend, because you lied to one of mine. Now the chances of us having that poetry session you wanted are pretty slim."