I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"What's that, boss? You don't want me to sit on this desk? I've stood for about eight hours total, and you want me to stand some more, while you sit there on your high and mighty forklift? Fine, but this isn't a desk. If this were a desk, it would have a chair."
"I don't feel that I'm missing out on my primal urges by not having sex; I can take care of myself. I do feel that I'm missing out on the not so primal urge to make a girl happy in that way. I get a little bit of that satisfaction when a girl sits next to me, and she proceeds to fidget in her seat and rub her thighs while occasionally glancing at me for the next hour and fifteen minutes, thinking that I don't notice. Maybe that's enough, or maybe she was just chilly."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"I have a way with women (who I have no interest in and who already have boyfriends anyway):"
Freshman Girl: How do you get your computer speakers so loud? I wish my speakers could get that loud.
Me: Then I'll make sure to keep my room locked.
Me: Of course, you can't drink legally, right?
Freshman Girl: Sure I can; I'm 21...Ha, I had you going.
Me: Yep, I figured you must've been held back a few grades.
"More installments to come."
"On Friday, I learned that there is such a thing as being a little too cynical and sarcastic. A cute girl had her eye on me during breakfast. When she went to clear her tray, she made sure to walk right in front of me and look me up and down. As she left, she made sure to walk right by me again, and to get her ass directly in my line of sight. The only thought going through my head at the time: "Yeah, real subtle." After she left, that quickly switched to a "Hey, wait, I probably should've said something to her, or at least nodded, I probably had a chance.""
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"Today, a holy dude (minister, reverend, whatever) approached me on the street and asked me if I wanted a copy of the New Testament (free, of course). I looked him in the eye, chuckled, said, "Yeah right," and walked away. I figure if God isn't going to reward me for all the good deeds I'm doing here, then he can't punish me for dissing his messengers. Now, if he wants to have a little chat about my lack of respect, I've been waiting for some answers from a burning bush, and waiting for the burning of Bush in the polls, and hell, but as much as I'd like to, I don't believe. So give me something, something to believe in."
The latest girl talk installment:
Resident Assistant: Sorry girls, but there's not much you can do about the smokers if the police won't enforce the rules.
Me: That's why you have to take the law into your own hands.
Resident Assistant: That's not a solution. This isn't a war.
Me: Everything's a war.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"The woman had cigarettes in her purse and a little girl who wouldn't stop coughing. As the girl got closer to me, I moved away, pretending to assume that she had a cold. The mom told me that her girl wasn't sick, that she just had asthma. "I know, but I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt." As I saw the woman hug her daughter to comfort her through her coughing fit, I began to feel ill, quite disgusted."
"A woman pointed out to her husband that he could donate $10 to the Red Cross, but the husband refused, saying that it was a waste of money. An argument ensued, and it escalated. I couldn't help but wonder; how many divorces have been caused by the Red Cross?"
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"If I fart in the bathroom, do I really have to say 'excuse me'?"
"You can't have a preemptive strike, and then have a campaign ad saying you didn't start the war (but you will finish it). That's not flip-flopping; that's just lying."