I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Me: Did you read those poems I sent you?
Mom: Sorry, I've been reading Dr. ___ (my old psychologist)'s new book. You know, you're mentioned at least once in all of his past few books.
Me: Well, at least he got something out of those sessions.
More adventures with the freshman who claimed to smoke a "cigar":
Me: Dan seems unusually happy tonight.
Dan's roommate: He's drunk.
Me: For crying out loud, it's Monday night!
This morning at breakfast:
Me: Were you okay last night?
Dan: I was fine. Now I need to go take a shower.
Me: Right, that's the shirt you wore yesterday, isn't it? Wait, if you didn't shower, then why were you in your bathrobe last night? Again? Were you going strea...oh, never mind.
Tonight:
Me: I have a cop coming to my room to close the stolen textbook case, so if you're doing any drinking, I suggest you stop.
Dan: Relax, I'm not drinking, but can I borrow your cop for a prank? I want the guys across the hall to think they're getting busted.
Me: You'll have to ask her yourself (female cop).
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"I'm at a table with six other guys, and after a questioning of everyone at the table, it is revealed that we are all 20+ year old virgins."
Programming major: Ben, you're the best looking one here; you've got to go first.
Accounting major: Yeah, we can't get laid until you do.
Me: Guys, that's way too much pressure.
It's 7:45 in the morning, and I just woke up; I'm still groggy:
Girl across the hall: Hey, they cancelled classes for today because of the snow.
Me: Okay, but I still have to go to the bathroom.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Me *arguing about a quiz answer with my polymers professor*: You asked which one is a way to improve performance in bulk polymerization. All of the above can't be the answer, because choice C is suspension or emulsion polymerization, and the question says "in bulk polymerization".
Professor Zhu *mentally translates to his native Chinese and responds*: I only meant those as other options.
Me: No, the question said "in bulk polymerization", and if you use the other polymerization techniques, you're no longer in bulk polymerization. You get it?
Professor Zhu *mentally translates to his native Chinese and responds*: But I only meant those as other options.
Me: I guess not.
"You know you're a loser when you're glad that you're getting your head cold right at the beginning of Spring Break."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Cashier girl at Valvoline: Hey, your father's a doctor, isn't he? My friend goes to him.
Me: Yep
Cashier girl at Valvoline: That must be nice, in case you get sick.
Me: I don't get sick all that often, and when I do, it's mild. I just had a cold for the first time in over a year, and it barely affected me. I credit a strong immune system; I eat a lot of vegetables.
Cashier girl at Valvoline: Really, me too. What's your favorite vegetable?
Me: I eat lettuce the most, a lot of salads.
Cashier girl at Valvoline: I think my favorite is corn.
Me: Actually, corn is more of a starch.
Cashier girl at Valvoline: It is?
Me: Yep, sorry.
"It seems that the disk door on my PS-One has suddenly broken, and it will no longer stay closed. Perhaps this is a sign that I should be spending the last hours of my Spring Break doing some actual homework instead of playing games that are outdated by at least six years. Neh, I'll just seal the door closed with masking tape."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Me: Hi, I was wondering if you could give me instructor consent to be in your course next semester.
Head of the Creative Writing Department: Are you sure you want my section and not the other one?
Me: You are the only section next semester.
Head of the Creative Writing Department: Oh that's right, the other professor couldn't do it for...wait a minute...next semester...you mean the fall? Well, before I can approve you, I'll need a sample of your work with your name, email address, and ID, so come back with that.
Me: Do you mean fiction or poetry, because the course description didn't specify?
Head of the Creative Writing Department: We're going to be doing poetry and creative non-fiction.
Me: I'll wait until she approves me, and then I'll tell her that creative non-fiction is an oxymoron. Actually, I have some poetry right here, with my information at the top *I hand her a sampler*.
Head of the Creative Writing Department: Great, and when do you need a reply by?
Me: Well, registration starts the 21st.
Head of the Creative Writing Department: The 21st! I'm not ready for the fall semester! Take a look at my desk. You see all those folders? Those are all projects that I'm in charge of that have to get done in the next few months.
Me: Um, I'm sorry...if you could just send me a reply by email...
Head of the Creative Writing Department: Yeah, I'll send you an email.
"So I don't know what the hell I'm doing on two huge engineering projects, but at open mic at a poetry reading, I got the biggest applause of any of the readers, I was told that I was the highlight, and I was asked to do a longer set where I would be the featured reader on the flyer, and that's got to count for something, right?...Right?"