I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"It's my apartment, and if I want to keep a bottle of hand cream by my computer, that's what I'll do."
"Apparently, twenty-three is the age where relatives stop giving you money for your birthday, and of course, you're not supposed to notice or complain."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
While listening to Soundgarden's "Ty Cobb" at work:
Secretary: Is he saying what I think he's saying?
Me: Yep, it's Soundgarden.
Secretary: I've heard of the band.
Me: This song was a single, but for some reason, it never made it to the radio.
Secretary: I can't imagine why. I should take you to Wal-Mart for the edited version.
Me: No thanks.
"Why must 'upbeat' and 'inspirational' poetry necessarily include Jesus or God? Those publishers ought to say what they mean."
Coworker: What is wrong with you? You don't have any tattoos. You don't drink. You don't smoke. You don't fuck.
Me: Nor do I consider 'fucking' to be a habit or a hobby.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"When the local police call me up asking for a donation to the Officers' Memorial Fund, I inexplicably feel the need to pretend that I'm stoned."
Boss: Can I wear what I'm wearing to a wake.
Me: I think what you're wearing is appropriate. *Boss leaves the room.*
Coworker: What about her shoes (red high heels)?
Me: Well, hopefully, nobody will notice her shoes, though it's kind of hard to miss them.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Telemarketer: You can save on your phone bill if you switch to MCI.
Me: I don't know about that. My phone bill is already pretty low.
Telemarketer: Okay then. *Hangs up*
Me: He doesn't have much of a future in this business.
"When a man in a bookstore restroom asks if you have a girlfriend, always say, "Yes," because otherwise, his next question is going to be, "Are you gay?""
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"Yeah, it's been "long time no see" with everyone but my immediate family and my coworkers. I pretty much dropped off the face of the Earth."