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Usually, I say whatever wiseass comment pops into my head, but sometimes I have to hold back for my own good. I'm a cashier, and today, I was ringing out a white woman with a half black baby. When I was done, she made sure that I counted six of a particular item. Here's what I wanted to say:
"That's right, six, as in the penis size that wasn't good enough for you."
"I've been told by death metal fans that death metal is harder than regular metal, and that if I didn't like it, it's because I'm too weak to take it. After listening to several hours of death metal, I've come to some conclusions. Death metal isn't "harder" than regular metal. The only difference between death metal and regular metal is that the drums in death metal are so constant that they sound synthesized, and the vocalists smoke way too much. If you're going to smoke to change your voice (as a doctor's son, I wouldn't recommend this), take a lesson from Chris Cornell."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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"Gee, an email with no subject, no body, just an attachment, supposedly from the president of the university, I don't suppose this could be a virus. Sorry pal, you're going to have to try a lot harder if you want to infect my computer."
"Face it, the whole album was "Some Kind Of Monster"; that would've been a better title track. As far as the new E.P. goes, you know it's bad when they have to throw in a free t-shirt. Alright, the live old stuff isn't bad (how can you forget the words to "Ride The Lightning"?), but it's the same stuff that you can get on "The Unnamed Feeling" E.P.."
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"You know the Hispanic population is growing disproportionately high when Band-Aids are now a few shades darker than they used to be."
"I certainly hope the "n" word means something else in Chinese, because the graduate students in the computer lab have used it an awful lot over the Summer."
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"It's not how dumb you feel; it's how dumb you look."
"The old woman browsed, said she couldn't find anything she liked, and left. A minute later, she came back in, browsed, and left. A minute later, she did it again. Around the seventh time, I realized that she probably had Alzheimer's."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
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If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"When I find one wasp in my house, I kill it, and that's the end. When I find three wasps...oh shit, I'd better find the nest too."
"As long as I'm still a virgin, I don't see anything wrong with finding myself attracted to the girls on the Romanian gymnastics team. I know for a fact; they've either gotten equal or further than I have."