I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"A political science major who's a republican is like a doctor who prescribes leeches."
"Alright, I called the police and got the case number onto my claim. I also brought a copy of my original receipt. Are you guys sure you're not going to need it? Tell you what, why don't you just staple it to my claim, just in case you change your minds and decide that you do need it."
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Me: *Approach a table of co-eds who have slips of paper* What is this stuff?
Peer: We're from a Christian group conducting a survey about how you view your relationships.
Me: I'm not a Christian, and I've never been in a relationship. *Walk away while hearing, "We mean your relationships with..."*
Me: Let me guess; you want me to turn down my music?
Freshman girl: No play it as loud as you want. How late do you stay up?
Me: I'll probably be up until around 3 A.M..
Freshman girl: Play it as loud as you can until you go to bed. I don't care what anybody says; I think you're cool.
My immediate thoughts: I get it. Because they're having a party tonight, she doesn't want me to hear her fucking her boyfriend at the end since she knows I'm alone. Well, at least she's being considerate.
My thoughts an hour later: Wait a second, she just wants the noise from my music to override the noise from her party so the RA doesn't bust them for underaged drinking. Screw that, they're getting busted.
So, when the RA came by to tell me to turn down my Soundgarden at 12:30, I told him that I only thought I could get away with it because the party next door was making noise. Five minutes later, I heard a lot of cursing coming from those kids.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
I was talking with the guys on my floor when an unknown girl ran by screaming, "I'm fine, really!"
Me: She's wasted already? It's only 10:00. Who is she?
Freshman kid: She's a high school girl. She had a couple of shots.
Me: That's wrong at so many levels.
Me: Can I ask you a racist question?
Asian friend: Sure, go ahead.
Me: I just washed my fleece jacket, and it says dry clean only, but do you think it would be safe on the dryer's delicate cycle?
Asian friend: I think I recall drying a fleece jacket before and it came out alright. Wait, how is that a racist question? Oh, right.
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
"Sir Paul McCartney, a halftime show that nobody can dislike, but you get the sense that the legendary rock/pop star had another motive. It was something he just had to do...before he joins John and George. If Ringo is the last one standing, it will prove that the band is cursed."
"In a 24 hour period, I got carte blanche on an English essay, I rejected a flirtatious and very manipulative blonde (*cough* slut *cough*) as my facebook friend, and I got a huge ovation from thirty English students, grads, and professors during an open mic at a poetry reading. Eh, not bad for a day's work. I wonder if they caught the irony in my humble introduction: 'Sorry if I'm not as good as you guys; I'm just an engineering student.'"
I'm going to say this every other post, just so you don't miss it.
PLEASE DON'T REPLY!
If you want to reply, use a private message. I want to keep this thread continuous with my own quotes.
Finance major: Damnit! I forgot to buy my girlfriend a Valentine's Day card.
Me: Why don't you make her a card? That'll add your personalization, and it'll send the message that you think enough of her to make the effort.
Finance major: No, that'll send the message that I'm too cheap to buy a card.
"For original ideas, for the same reason (isolation), Seattle is America's Japan."