05-23-2006, 04:07 PM
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05-24-2006, 02:59 PM
major asshole....hehehhe....bad pun alert......MAY THE SHWARTZ BE WITHH YOU!!! ^_^
05-24-2006, 07:43 PM
Lol that's funny!
05-25-2006, 12:43 AM
I loved that movie, I got all the merchandise. *Digs through a large trunk* Even, SPACEBALLS THE FLAMETHROWER!! *Starts firing flames all over the place*
05-25-2006, 02:49 PM
Man.....um I have the original Star warz items so my parents wouldn't buy me anything but I remembered that one cereal gave out the schwartz ring, I lost it but it was really cool...... ^_^
05-25-2006, 03:30 PM
The ring is nothing. I got it in a cracker jack box, the schwartz is within you!
05-25-2006, 04:37 PM
RofL'S..... I know but the whole thing with the light saberz, I needed the ring....so people wouldnt think I am too crazy...
05-25-2006, 05:22 PM
your Swartz is as big as mine!
05-25-2006, 07:45 PM
Cowboys,
The Best Gunfighter
Morris was a young man in the Old West, who wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. So Morris walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down.
"Tell me, tell me," said the young man.
"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"Definitely," said the old man.
Young Morris did what he was told and drew hisgun and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?"
"Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun will come out smoother."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"It sure will," said the old man.
The young man did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cufflink off the piano player. "This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?"
"One more thing," said the old man. "Get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun."
Young Morris didn't hesitate but started putting the grease on the gun.
"No, the whole gun, handle and everything," said the old man.
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"No," said the old man, "but, when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano, he's going to put that gun where the sun don't shine, and it won't hurt as much."
Another funny old lady,
Toward the end of the church service, the Minister asked the
Congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
All held up their hands except one small, elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any", she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-Eight", she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us
all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the
world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said:
"I outlived the bitches."
And yet ANOTHER reason not to mess with kids,
Ms. Jones, was trying to get her 8th grade students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary responded saying, " I was fascinated by the size of the Grand Canyon." Ms. Jones says, " Very good, but I want the word 'fascinate' used in a sentence, not 'fascinated'." Little Stevie raises his hand and then says, " I noticed your sweater has ten buttons, but your tits are so big you can only fasten eight!"
And of course the blonde joke,
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Ahh blondes, will they ever cease to entertain us?
The Best Gunfighter
Morris was a young man in the Old West, who wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. So Morris walked up to the old man and told him his dream. The old man looked him up and down.
"Tell me, tell me," said the young man.
"Tie the bottom of your holster lower onto your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"Definitely," said the old man.
Young Morris did what he was told and drew hisgun and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
"Wow, that really helped. Do you have any more suggestions?"
"Yeah, if you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun will come out smoother."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"It sure will," said the old man.
The young man did what he was told and drew his gun and shot a cufflink off the piano player. "This is really helping me. Is there anything else you can share with me?"
"One more thing," said the old man. "Get that can of axle grease over there in the corner and rub it all over your gun."
Young Morris didn't hesitate but started putting the grease on the gun.
"No, the whole gun, handle and everything," said the old man.
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"No," said the old man, "but, when Wyatt Earp gets done playing that piano, he's going to put that gun where the sun don't shine, and it won't hurt as much."
Another funny old lady,
Toward the end of the church service, the Minister asked the
Congregation, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
All held up their hands except one small, elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any", she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-Eight", she replied.
"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us
all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the
world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said:
"I outlived the bitches."
And yet ANOTHER reason not to mess with kids,
Ms. Jones, was trying to get her 8th grade students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary responded saying, " I was fascinated by the size of the Grand Canyon." Ms. Jones says, " Very good, but I want the word 'fascinate' used in a sentence, not 'fascinated'." Little Stevie raises his hand and then says, " I noticed your sweater has ten buttons, but your tits are so big you can only fasten eight!"
And of course the blonde joke,
Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown.
A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.
Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?"
The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, "Sure!"
The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, "352."
This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, "You're right! O.K., I'll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock."
The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.
When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, "O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Ahh blondes, will they ever cease to entertain us?
05-25-2006, 07:53 PM
I hope not- though we should'nt get too far with these, lol.