Here are todays:
After crossing a parrot with a lion, the scientists weren't exactly sure what they had. But one fact was irrefutable: When it talked, people listened.
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Q: What is foreplay in the ghetto?
A: "Stay cool, bitch, I got a knife."
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Q: How did the gigolo know he'd been sleepwalking?
A: He woke up in his own bed.
Then there was the gigolo who succeeded in business thanks to his alert staff.
Unfortubately, he contracted leprosy and his business fell off.
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"Dierdre," Said the second-grade teacher, "would you please use I in a sentence?"
The little girl thought for a moment, then said, "I is..."
"No," the teacher interrupted, "you always say, 'I am.' "
Nodding, Dierdre went on, "I am the letter that comes after H."
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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: A genalogist looks up your tree, but a gynocologist just glances into your bush.
Those are pretty good and they deal with word play and puns.
The whole book is clever wordplay and puns. That's why I like it so much.
i've heard the one with the 'I' before- nice!
Here are some good jokes,
Two coeds agreed to room together, neither knowing that the other was a lesbian. Unfortunatly, due to a mixup, there was only one bed in the room, and they were forced to share it.
Lying there, her heart thumping in her chest, one of the girls snuggled close to the other and said, "Listen, I'll be frank,"
"No," whispered the other girl, "Let me be Frank. You can be Tom."
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Then there was the famous Scottish gay activist, Phil McCrevis. Who, as fate would have it, took a job at a sperm bank. Sadly, he was fired a few days later for drinking on the job.
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Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers?
A: Because the go deep into the bush, shoot more than once, and always eat what they shoot.
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Hurrying back to camp after a day on the veldt, one hunter said to another, "Jesus, there's a giraffe out ther with three balls! What should I do?"
After reflecting for a moment, the other hunter replied, "Walk him and pitch to the hippo."
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"Excuse me," Mrs. Thomas said to the sales person, "but I'd like to try on the dress in the window."
"I'm sorry," smiled the clerk, "but you'll have to use the dressing room like everyone else."
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The nymphomaniac had a terrific attitude toward sex: It was every man for herself.
More tommorow.
Hehe, those are really good buddy, let me find my OWN joke book, and I'll bring them here, they are really good too, let me look all over my place and I'll start adding them here :D
I like the one with the giraffe.
Some quickies and annoying questions to ask people,
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor...
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
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If a deaf person swears, does his moter wash his hands with soap?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Where do forest rangers got to "Get away from it all?"
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What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
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If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
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If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
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If police arrest a mime, do they tell him has the right to remain silent?
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Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
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How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
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What was the best thing before sliced bread?
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One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
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If you ate both pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
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If you try to fail, and succed, which have you done?
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Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
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Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
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Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
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Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Same deal as usual, more tommorow and feel free to request a specific type.
Pretty interesting... though some are actually not that hard to answer.