New Year Fucked. AGAIN.

[Zephyr of Darkness]

That's the point, though. I can't just think of the good time. I mean, whenever I start hearing or thinking stuff about his FUNERAL or even him in particular, then I immediately start to become speechless and such soppy stuff.

You will, in time. Though I know people that lost a loved one 30 years ago and still cry when they think of them. The pain will fade with time, but it will never go away.

And, I dare to think how I would be if I really GO to the Funeral. So... anyhow, it's this Thursday... I'm still trying to think of a message that I want to pass on so it can still be read. I want to at least say something for my grandfather. And, you know, without him, I probably wouldn't be the person I am today, since he made that much of an impact on me.

That's not something we can help you with, but you can think what would your grandfather say if he could give his opinion on this. Would he have been upset if you didn't go? Or would he rather let you do what you feel? Ask this to yourself.

Most people the chance to see people before they die, yet I was not given the chance to see him till he did. Isn't that a reason to feel like this?

That's not true. My grandfather died alone in a hospital bed while they were dializating him. We got to see him about half an hour earlier, but he did die alone. I'll never forgive the fucking physicians who would let us stay only a couple hours with a loved one in their last days.