11-15-2006, 04:01 PM
Hey everyone....here's why I'm never on..this applies to some people on here...
Fucking depression is taking over again.I am such a failure at life... I haven't been happy in the longest time, despite the way I always act. I mean, I was happy when I was with Collin, but I guess that was a waste of time. I ended up getting hurt. I think it's safe to say that I'm not in love with him anymore..I just kinda like him. Though he's always been there for me, I think his life would be so much better without me there. Anyway..everyday I dread seeing everyone because it makes me even more depressed than usual. I put on an act to hide my true self: lonely...sad...depressed...hated. I smile to hide my tears and each day, it gets harder and harder to fake that smile. Life is just so hard. I will admit that I cry myself to sleep every night because I am so unhappy. My mom is another reason. She is the worst mother in the world and she doesn't realize how bad of an influence she is on me. I don't want to get into it...so whatever. My grades are going down because I can't deal with all of this anymore...my grades are fucking dropping because of it.. I think I was better of being abused by my step-mom than ever moving here. I can't take it anymore.....and I think the best way to end it is to have Collin kill me. Just take a shotgun to my head and kill me. I would rather have him do it because he won't have any regrets doing it and I want him to do it because I know that killing me would make him happy...So for all those that 'care about me'...thanks for 'caring about me' It was nice while it lasted....And no...I'm not suicidal...I'm just really depressed and I want nothing more than for Collin to be happy....That's all I want...he would be happier if I were dead....
So...whatever...
Fucking depression is taking over again.I am such a failure at life... I haven't been happy in the longest time, despite the way I always act. I mean, I was happy when I was with Collin, but I guess that was a waste of time. I ended up getting hurt. I think it's safe to say that I'm not in love with him anymore..I just kinda like him. Though he's always been there for me, I think his life would be so much better without me there. Anyway..everyday I dread seeing everyone because it makes me even more depressed than usual. I put on an act to hide my true self: lonely...sad...depressed...hated. I smile to hide my tears and each day, it gets harder and harder to fake that smile. Life is just so hard. I will admit that I cry myself to sleep every night because I am so unhappy. My mom is another reason. She is the worst mother in the world and she doesn't realize how bad of an influence she is on me. I don't want to get into it...so whatever. My grades are going down because I can't deal with all of this anymore...my grades are fucking dropping because of it.. I think I was better of being abused by my step-mom than ever moving here. I can't take it anymore.....and I think the best way to end it is to have Collin kill me. Just take a shotgun to my head and kill me. I would rather have him do it because he won't have any regrets doing it and I want him to do it because I know that killing me would make him happy...So for all those that 'care about me'...thanks for 'caring about me' It was nice while it lasted....And no...I'm not suicidal...I'm just really depressed and I want nothing more than for Collin to be happy....That's all I want...he would be happier if I were dead....
So...whatever...
