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Hey everyone....here's why I'm never on..this applies to some people on here...

Fucking depression is taking over again.I am such a failure at life... I haven't been happy in the longest time, despite the way I always act. I mean, I was happy when I was with Collin, but I guess that was a waste of time. I ended up getting hurt. I think it's safe to say that I'm not in love with him anymore..I just kinda like him. Though he's always been there for me, I think his life would be so much better without me there. Anyway..everyday I dread seeing everyone because it makes me even more depressed than usual. I put on an act to hide my true self: lonely...sad...depressed...hated. I smile to hide my tears and each day, it gets harder and harder to fake that smile. Life is just so hard. I will admit that I cry myself to sleep every night because I am so unhappy. My mom is another reason. She is the worst mother in the world and she doesn't realize how bad of an influence she is on me. I don't want to get into it...so whatever. My grades are going down because I can't deal with all of this anymore...my grades are fucking dropping because of it.. I think I was better of being abused by my step-mom than ever moving here. I can't take it anymore.....and I think the best way to end it is to have Collin kill me. Just take a shotgun to my head and kill me. I would rather have him do it because he won't have any regrets doing it and I want him to do it because I know that killing me would make him happy...So for all those that 'care about me'...thanks for 'caring about me' It was nice while it lasted....And no...I'm not suicidal...I'm just really depressed and I want nothing more than for Collin to be happy....That's all I want...he would be happier if I were dead....

So...whatever...

Right now your just like me putting on a with putting a mask of over how much hurt you have on the inside my x girlfriend Stephenie don't like to look upon her beautiful face because I rushed her some and something else I get sad over it. I also had a girl friend kill herself a few weeks back and her and her lover nearly committed suicide as well but luckily I got there in the nick of time to stop Jasmin from doing the same. So if you think that you have it bad think about this: I'm in culinary and have knives in my room and I have my room mate hold on to then for me until I go to class right now because scared of what I might do with them and my family think right now I'm doing good right now bullshit I'm more broken up then they know.

is there anything at all that can distract your mind from things at all?

if there is try to do it and do things to pull yourself together, you might be depressed and that alters your logical way of thinking, I think of this when I start thinking things that are out of place like killing myself and such, it will help you endure it ,

but, you'll end up more useless like I am now =/ I'm at 7 hours to finish a whole month work(not much done), it will be a big solace for things like pressure so you might end up avoiding any type of stress.

and I know what you mean I'd like someone shooting me , if they didn't go to hell because of it I'd ask someone to =O,being feeling this way for the last 2 years and a half.

Belongs in rants.

Don't talk such nonsence about having people kill you. Stop thinking about him and start thinking about yourself: when people break up, they no longer have to think of each other.

Also, eat more fruit and vegitables: 5 portions a day. Especially bananas. Keep well away from fast food resturants and drink more water.

I have many ban-worthy things to say right now, but I'll hold my tongue.

Wow...does no one get it...I don't fucking care about the break-up...seriously. He's just a friend....and friends think about each other...duh.

I am a failure. Okay. I have a paranoia of always thinking that someone is talking about me or laughing at me. I let things get to me because I'm emotionally unstable from past experiences.

And Ghost...just tell me in a PM...is it really that hard.

And recently I've been bitchy because I'm sick of covering things up. The only people I can be nice to are my friends...so whatever.

I will hold my tongue as well :roll:

Everyone just makes it worse...so whatever. Just drop the subject. I'll just be a fuck-up for the rest of my life...

Coll...don't even start with me. I'm not in a good mood and the last thing I need is to hear it from you...please.

mistysilverwolf Wrote:Coll...don't even start with me. I'm not in a good mood and the last thing I need is to hear it from you...please.

mistysilverwolf Wrote:Collin, I want you to be happy...so just kill me and get it over with. I know you will be happier and will have no regrets..

?

Misty don't get mad at me. Don't sound like your over Collin yet from what I'm seeing.