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09-13-2006, 10:46 PM

Working on Chapter 1 edit and CHAPTER 2 IS DONE! >XD

[quote=I]
Chapter 1

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**Kurtz** · 09-15-2006, 07:12 AM

I'm loving it so far... *grins* I'd like to see more of this.

09-15-2006, 07:45 AM

Thanks! Good luck with... Wink

You know what. And... Wink

Good luck with something travel related too!

09-15-2006, 10:53 AM

The only problem I'd like to point out is that your characters lack a decent picture for me to visualize. You need to develop the story narritive a little more so the reader isn't completely lost. What does Kerred look like? Where does Derel live? What does it look like?

If you expand the narritive bigger I think you'd have a set story, kinda like a pre-developed Eragon to some degree.

If you desire any help, I can offer some advice to get yourself some vivid characterization and descriptions!

Other than that I can't complain.

09-15-2006, 11:09 AM

*bows to Marine* That is why I posted it here. I would be honored. (I am NOT kidding!)

To the people of the DaD: I am still improving this chapter. ^_^ ANY comment is welcome.

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Poll: What do you think of the first chapter? You do not have permission to vote in this poll.
Lovin' it!	75.00%	3	75.00%
Good.	25.00%	1	25.00%
So-So.	0%	0	0%
Bad.	0%	0	0%
Terrible!	0%	0	0%
Not my style.	0%	0	0%
Total		4 vote(s)	100%