How do you get out of the habit of being a loner?

[cboy]

Can anyone help me on this? I'm a loner in life; I avoid crowds, I don't like talking unless I really have to, I let other people make the first move when making friends, and I definitly don't have the courage to make the first move when it comes to getting a girlfriend.

I'd really like to change, become more outgoing. However, I just can't seem to do it. I'm worried that I'll say the wrong things and people will avoid me or become my enemies. I'd really appreciate any help you guys can give me.

[Wisemon]

Either you change who you are, or you accept yourself. If you're no longer a loner, you no longer have a problem.

[senjuro]

Practice makes perfect in every facet of life. If you feel like you're saying the wrong things, then by the process of elimination, you'll eventually come to the conclusion of what the right things are.

Personally, I'm a big fan of playing out scenarios in my head. I imagine the most ridiculous and radical responses someone could make to something I say, and then I play out the rest of the scenario. It very very often ends badly. But knowing that nobody would ever respond to what I say in such a radical fashion, I don't have to worry about offending anyone so much in a real conversation.

Try it! It may work for you, too. Not like I'm a huge socialite or anything, but I can carry on a conversation with people as i need to.

[rorancrystalwolf]

I used to have the same problem.. I changed and if you want too I think you can as well. Start small. In conversations, if you have an opinion, voice it! If you think someone has a cool shirt or something let them know don't just sit there. Start saying hi to people you know, and help those or make those you don't know feel better. Everything wil come back later. And last but not least. SMILE! I find it makes a big difference and will help you open up a lot! :D

[Misty]

Collin...you took the words right out of my mouth...And Collin...I noticed that once 2nd semester came around...you started coming around more. You were talking more...making more jokes...wise ass remarks....etc etc.

[Shadowknight]

Do you have any scars? If so wear an outfit that shows it, if someone notices it make up a crazy story. My favorite is catching the game winning ball in the last 10 seconds of the homecoming game, and then taking a tackle from an opposing team member which broke something. It works in any situation with almost any sized scar, you just have to alter the story to fit the size.

[Nate Hunter]

I found that growing up and finding more people with a maturity level similar to my own was what brought me to open up. Any changes you make will require effort, but if you can find the situations in which your efforts are easiest, it will be easiest for you to make those changes.

[Shadowknight]

He's right, if you don't want to be alone you need to find people similar to yourself, join a club or something. In earlier school years I was a bit mature (Mentally not physically) for my age and didn't get along with many people, then I joined a few clubs (Chess team, debate, and a small D&D group. Wow, I'm a total nerd, or would it be geek? Does anyone know the difference between geek and nerd?) and I made a few friends and had a fun time.

[Gunter VanCrimson]

Hang out with a pet, pretend it's human. You'll get used to it eventually. I strongly advice talking.

[DragonMasterX]

I'd like to know how to advice correctly, I have a nice amount of friends which I have made throughout my life. Some friends even were my worst enemies, but in the end, I managed how to turn that around and make them my friends.

Maybe some times you just need to indirectly change other's ways of thinking about YOURSELF. Like senjuro said, if they don't say what you expect to be funny or anything, then laugh yourself and ignore the stares, and never ever say the same thing again; you'll know what to say eventually, but as he said, again, practise makes perfect; if you run away and don't try, then no one is going to near you and beg you to be your friend. Let them know you are funny on your own way, then they'll let you in fast, sure, there are always the hard part, but nothing's impossible if you have the will to do it.

But yet again, changing other's ways of thinking is a very delicate method that shouldn't really be used. If a person's an ass, he'll be an ass his whole life until he changes himself, you can't change people that are able to think for themselves unfortunately. But don't let this throw you down, keep trying, you'll find a way eventually, and again: Trying will not hurt anyone. (well, depends, if you want to make friends that are drunk at first... meh)