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Digimon Tamers:The D-Order (Chapter 1-Gaomon/Jeri)
#1
Disclaimer-Digimon Tamers: The D-Order is a fan made sequel to the series "Digimon Tamers" copyright of Toei Animation. It is made out of pure fan appreciation, and not for the profit made by Toei Animation/Bandai from the show.

Episode 1-Chosen

My blue ears perked, by red boxing gloves on, and the red bandana on my head hid the tattoo that Azulongmon gave me five years ago to this day. Looking up at the red, charred doors to Zhuqoiamon's twenty story tall room, I was a little intimidated. Considering my size, and even with my ability, I wouldn't be able to conquer a Sovereign. I was still a Rookie Digimon, but my power level had grown as such that I could take on any lesser Mega.

With 11 of his original Devas dead, and Antylamon having renounced her position, Zhuqoiamon began his search for twelve lucky individuals who would be willing to serve him and the other three Sovereigns of the Digital World. I was but a Rookie Digimon, and one whose kind was on the verge of extinction no thanks to the D-Reaper. My name is Gaomon, and I have trained countless years under Azulongmon's tutelage in secret. I have only come here to complete my training because only Zhuqoiamon has the knowledge of an unknown ability that will prove one incapable of digivolution such as me.

"Sovereign!
[Image: Ikuto_Peckmon4_Ever.jpg]
"I'll keep you safe...forever."
Peckuto
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#2
Quick note before reading:

you might want to resize or replace the pic with a link, as it stretches the page, and forces the reader to scroll in order to read, v. annoying.

A few logic/continuity issues I saw:
  • Takato slapped himself again in frustration When did he slap himself first?
  • Humans are indifferent to such relationships, and do not approve of them. I'm not sure you intend the word "indifferent" here.
  • Once a Gaomon chose a mate Doesn't soundslike either of them had any choice to me
  • *In Rika's perspective for the moment...* I really don't think that is necessary.
  • "(Gaomon, stop standing there and get on my belly already!)" I am finding these parentheses awfully confusing, even if they are "explained" by the tag quote.
  • but he had never in bed I think you're missing a word here
  • then cusped is that supposed to be "cupped"??
  • She a way for drawing boys in another missing word

(there are quite a few issues with grammar or phrasing that could use copyediting too, but here is not the place for that. If you want, I can compile and send a PM/mail to you about it.)
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#3
I love this!!
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#4
Very nice.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
Shadow Dragon Pack (SDP)
The Mod Squad
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