Funny Joke(18+ or anyone who doesn't care) (non-digi)

[Gunter VanCrimson]

Lol- echo! HAHAHA! Makes me wanna' wish I wasn't excomunicated a long time ago!

[Shadowknight]

Things to ponder,

1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say,
"I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here,
and drink whatever comes out?"

2. Who was the first person to say,
"See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."

3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?

5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

6. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time,
but they don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

7. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

8. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!

9. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,
why didn't he just buy dinner?

10. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

11. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

12. If electricity comes from electrons,
does morality come from morons?

13. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?

14. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle,
Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on,

World's Easiest Quiz.

Passing requires only 1 correct answer.... a measly 10%.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a Purple Finch?

9) Where are Chinese Gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Answers:

1) 116 years

2) Ecuador

3) Sheep and Horses

4) November

5) Squirrel fur

6) Dogs

7) Albert

8) Crimson

9)New Zealand

10) Orange, of course.

So did everyone pass? No? Well don't feel too bad, neither did she:

A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. "How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. "Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied. "What?" sputtered the doctor."You tried to commit suicide by shooting your finger off?" "No, Silly!" the blonde said."First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $16,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth." "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."


If you don't get that joke, you may be blonde.

[Gunter VanCrimson]

Holy-LOL-

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

Stu-hahhhahhahhahahahahhahaha!!!

[DrunkenMunkee]

i'll be honest...at first i didnt get the blonde joke. it took me a minute, k??

[DragonMasterX]

Good lord! THIS IS FUCKIN HILARIOUS!! lol!!

[Shadowknight]

Don't be a hero,

man appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers.

"Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him, 'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago."

These are actual quotes taken from federal government employee performance evaluations.

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60-minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.

THE END.

And the moment everyone's been wait for, the blonde joke that finishes everyone of my joke posts.


A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through
her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it
look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

[DrunkenMunkee]

I wish all cops were that stupid...it would make life more fun ^_^

[Gunter VanCrimson]

yeah- and they'd be a HELL lot easy to make love to!

[Gunter VanCrimson]

THE OFFICE RULES

1. SICKNESS: No excuse will be acceptable. We will no longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illnesses we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

2. LEAVE OF ABSENCE FOR AN OPERATION: We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

3. DEATH, OTHER THAN YOUR OWN: This is no excuse. If you can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon, however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all of your work is up to date.

4. DEATH, YOUR OWN: This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like at least two weeks notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.

5. PERSONAL HYGIENE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms. In the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order, for instance, those surnames beginning with an