03-20-2006, 01:22 PM
FEAR THE POWER OF THE DIRTY JOKE!
"Well, Mr. Gilbert," said the psychiatrist, "why the long face?"
"I got fired from my job at the grocery store," he said. "The boss caught me with my organ in the meat slicer."
Dr. Ashley swallowed hard. "My God, why did you do a thing like that?"
Mr. Gilbert sighed, "SHE wanted it, too."
That's the same joke that lost me a job at Dominicks
.
"You've got to help me," the young man implored. "I can't stop thinking that I'm a goat!"
His analyst asked, "And how long have you had this problem?"
The man replied, "Ever since I was a kid."
Later that day a wild man burst into the psychiatrist's office.
"Ya gotta help me!" he screamed, "I can't stop thinking I'm a deck of cards!"
Flushing with anger, the doctor snapped, "Wait outside! I'll deal with you later!"
Then there was the man who wen to the psychiatrist insisting that his skin was gold. The doctor told him it was nothing serious, just a gilt complex.
Even worse was Mrs. Stewart, who went to her shrink and confessed she was a kleptomaniac. The doctor told her not to worry and gave her something to take.
The call girl confided to her roommate, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to give up analysis."
"But why? Isn't Dr. Wolper helping you?"
"A lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get used to lying down for a guy and then having hime give me the bill."
The psychiatrist closed the folder and stared at his patient on the other side of the room. "Yes, Mr. Allen, I'm pleased to pronounce you one hundred percent cured."
Mr. Allen sighed. "Gee, that's just great."
"I don't understand. Aren't you happy?"
"Why should I be?" Mr. Allen shot back. "A year ago I was Genghis Khan. Now I'm nobody!"
"Well, Mr. Gilbert," said the psychiatrist, "why the long face?"
"I got fired from my job at the grocery store," he said. "The boss caught me with my organ in the meat slicer."
Dr. Ashley swallowed hard. "My God, why did you do a thing like that?"
Mr. Gilbert sighed, "SHE wanted it, too."
That's the same joke that lost me a job at Dominicks
."You've got to help me," the young man implored. "I can't stop thinking that I'm a goat!"
His analyst asked, "And how long have you had this problem?"
The man replied, "Ever since I was a kid."
Later that day a wild man burst into the psychiatrist's office.
"Ya gotta help me!" he screamed, "I can't stop thinking I'm a deck of cards!"
Flushing with anger, the doctor snapped, "Wait outside! I'll deal with you later!"
Then there was the man who wen to the psychiatrist insisting that his skin was gold. The doctor told him it was nothing serious, just a gilt complex.
Even worse was Mrs. Stewart, who went to her shrink and confessed she was a kleptomaniac. The doctor told her not to worry and gave her something to take.
The call girl confided to her roommate, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to give up analysis."
"But why? Isn't Dr. Wolper helping you?"
"A lot," the call girl agreed. "Problem is, I just can't get used to lying down for a guy and then having hime give me the bill."
The psychiatrist closed the folder and stared at his patient on the other side of the room. "Yes, Mr. Allen, I'm pleased to pronounce you one hundred percent cured."
Mr. Allen sighed. "Gee, that's just great."
"I don't understand. Aren't you happy?"
"Why should I be?" Mr. Allen shot back. "A year ago I was Genghis Khan. Now I'm nobody!"
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
