08-14-2006, 03:55 AM
DragonMasterX Wrote:Here's the review for the whole Chapter 2!
MISTER BIG T Wrote:Melisa looked at her young, beautiful daughter play with a doll. Her long, beautiful, dark hair waved in air when she played with the doll
Here, I'd rather change the second ''doll.'' for: "Toy."
Don't be afraid to repeat. If you mean "doll", say "doll". For that same matter, many authors, myself included, fall into the trap of being afraid to say "said". Changing words un-necessarily can lead to a piecemeal seeming pieace of work.
[quote][quote=MISTER BIG T]