Why?

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

Oh,,,Gunter Van Crimson I am sorry about all this....I guess my sorry wouldnt be good enough but I ll try my best to see if I can answer everything......I ve known you for a while now and I ll do my best.....

Last Saturday, Blitz disappeared without a trace, all we know is that he gave Velmont a notepad, that's all.

Last Sunday, Raymond and Ryan went away, I don't know where- but I'm sure they'll be back eventually. I start grieving about Munkee leaving, knowing that I could've told her more if I wasn't so busy trying to stop Mr. Epsilon from fighting Ms. Zephyr and Vice versa, so I lock myself in my room.

I'm sorry that you grieved about the situation between Drunkenmunkee/Epzilon and Zephyr, the fact that
they left suddenly is something rather unexpected, so I know why you had feel like losing a friend because in all honesty I havent seen Drunkenmunkee online at all. I kind of miss the Drunkenmunkee you know and I want them to come back......and its there decision Gunter, I tried to help.....I really did and so did many people on the DaD gun, its not your fault......I am wondering where did they go? In all honesty Blitz and Red leaving like that is very weird......I am for certain that they will be back.....but thats slightly weird that Raymon just left.....Maybe it was urgent and its something that he needed. ....Weird......

Last Monday, I can't take it anymore, I needed to talk to someone, but Blitz, Blue and Ryan weren't home yet- so did something stupid- I went to Velmont, he was reading one of his Gear mags, when I told him I was misreable. He told me to hold on, and took out a notepad.
"-Let's see... Depressed, misreable, missing someone- Ah- Why? What's the matter?" He said, skimming the notepad. I figure Blitz gave it to him for such an occasion.
"I miss munkee-" I replied.
He skims it again. "Someone dies- someone hates you- someone leaves- There- Gunter, friends come and go. It's whether they come back that matters." He replies.
"-But what if she never comes back!?" I say.
"Tough luck." He throws the notebook away.

Somewhere during the conversation, I told him I appreciate that he's at least trying to help me, and we talk about relationships. I happened to joke about being in love with a dog, when he excuses himself, and returns. He asked me again, and I told him I was madly in love with Balto, from the movie (which is true, I'm swooning)- when he suddenly knocked me to the ground, and started putting this straitjacket on me- He yells stuff at me in Romanian, then in english.

I begged him to let me go- but he put me in the lower room, and chained it to the wall.

I fucking stayed their for three days- I missed three days of work- and I missed the DaD- I yelled, and cried, but he didn't care- I wanted to just die- but NO.

Last Wednesday, my boss traveled four hours just to check on me- bless her, if she hadn't come, he wouldn't have let me down. I discovered that...

He had gotten to my PC. He ruined it- destroyed everything- my modem- and all my files- gone- I hated him- it took me three whole fucking months to save 1.48GB worth of porn and music!
I'm forced to use a pc in town, where they're so damn slow, and people stare at you- and I can't do more than 1-2 hours- because if I get home late to make dinner, he beats me up.

Don't get me wrong, I love it when he does that- but too much pleasure is still pain.

He's taken to hurting me on a daily basis, my stomach hurts a lot, he keeps punching me there- I'm covered in bruises, and I don't even bother counting the sprains he gave me-

Gunter, I know you love your brother alot but thats no way for him to treat you like this, I mean torture and dehumanizing you and taking away your freedom like being a prisoner is harsh and wrong. I understand that your computer was your sanctuary and he is tryinig to take that as well but I am going to agree with Rorancrystalwolf on this one and that is rather you be alone then with your brother Vellmont. Being alone does suck in all honesty but the way he is treating you is like he is taking advantage of the whole situation of you not having anybody and capitalizing on it. I am sorry that you had to endure and go through that with your own brother.. I understand that you had been alone and it sucks and if I could be there I would Gunter....I would pack all my belongings and just go there right now but I cant.......but the complete honesty you'll never be alone, you'll have me and you all have the SDP and all the friends you have met on the DaD....We will keep you company for whatever time you need......I ll always be here for you.....Cause I love you........

If I really do deserve all that, do I not deserve to die? Why let me live through this hell?

Gunter, poor gun-gun......Its not your fault and YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING LIKE THIS!!! You dont deserve any of this, I dont understand whats wrong with Vel but you dont deserve it at all..... I dont understand why but please never lose the sight of living, things will look up eventually. Never lose hope Gunter, never....and if you need a crutch. lean on me and I ll carry you home......

I love my brother. He's family to me. No matter how he hurts me. But why does he hurt me? Why does he hate me? What did I do to him?

I really cannot comprehend why your brother has done this to you and it uks and confuses me. The only one to answer that is the mind of your brother who is very disturbed for some reason. Maybe the reason he hurts you is because he can never be content and doesnt want to see you happy.... I mean I dont know what yuo did to him but by the looks of it he snapped a bit too far and took one tow may steps. I cannot answer those questions for him but I think he is in pain and redistrubuting in an agressive way into hurting you...Maybe lashing out against his own pain, but this method of expression is completely wrong and something that he shouldn't do to begin with.....

I only just got released, I can't type that fast, and I refuse to eat.
I'm trying to kill myself, and I tried to when he bound me again- this time because he found out I had feelings for my dog.
I refused to eat the food he gave me, and I coulnd't do any more-

I tried holding my breath to suffocate myself- but I can't do it- not even past three minutes!

I'd rather die than live like this again- he threatened to leave too- I don't want him to leave- if he leaves, I'm all alone again... well... at least I'll have my dogs, and my boss.

Um Gunter, you promised..... Just live ok.......Please live.....I rather him leave then you get hurt...Please eat, you know I rather you live then starve yourself.....Blue will be back and so Blitz and Red will return...It might be for a while but return they shall.......Just dont kill yourself, I need you.....I would miss you and grieve for a very long time, you know that you mean the world to me..... So please try to live, I know it hurts.....but live......As of now, your brother using this time to do these things to you....he needs to go away for a while.......

Speaking about my boss, she calls me Vicky now, is that could or bad?

I think its a good thing, usually some girls usually joke around with that to pretend like your one of them, I think its slightly cute....Your boss is wonderful, if you can say something to her, like tell her I said "Hi how are yah?" Would you please tell her that? In my opinion that means your a really good friend.....

Why doesn't Velmont just send me to hell? It's starting to sound nice to me.

Because you are not meant to die, if you ever need me you know how to get in contact with me...You need to be in a happy place not where some people's nightmares are...... Just keep being strong you have all of us backing you up....remember that....we all want you to have the best.....

I'm so confused, I can't type right, I can't work right, and I cant think right. Advice would be much appreciated.

And thank you all so very much for putting up with me, really...

Gunter my advice is as I stated above and I know your going through tough times but you can turn to me or friends you have aquired here on the DaD who are more then willing to help you out....and putting up with yah.....NAHZ we love yah so rant away Gunter......I know your confused and you cant do anything right and think but please try to sense some things out. I tried my best gunter, I love you and be well ....I missed yah........and if you need me you know where to reach me and please do, email, yim or PM me......If only I had the means to get there I would be there right now....Just please take care of yourself....Love you and wish you the best Gunter......Always your, Lonely Gabu