05-19-2006, 11:09 PM
We always hear "the rules" from the female side Finally, the guys' side of the story.
These are our rules!
Learn to work the toilet seat You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one, Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 18 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is not admissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes. and You have too many shoes.
We are in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this.
True story. No kidding,
Friend Left as Deposit at Gas Station
Reuters
BERLIN (May 18) - A German woman left her friend as a deposit at a gas station because she did not have enough cash to pay for her petrol, police said Wednesday.
"She didn't have enough money to pay the bill, so her friend stayed behind as a human deposit while she went to withdraw cash," said a spokesman for police in the southern town of Muenchberg. "Unfortunately, the woman did not return."
Two hours after the 20-year-old driver left, the gas station called the police, who interrogated the stranded "deposit" before releasing her. Police are investigating the driver on suspicion of fraud.
Wow, with friends like that. And the mandatory blonde joke,
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
These are our rules!
Learn to work the toilet seat You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one, Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 18 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Anything we said 6 months ago is not admissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes. and You have too many shoes.
We are in shape. Round is a shape.
Thank you for reading this.
True story. No kidding,
Friend Left as Deposit at Gas Station
Reuters
BERLIN (May 18) - A German woman left her friend as a deposit at a gas station because she did not have enough cash to pay for her petrol, police said Wednesday.
"She didn't have enough money to pay the bill, so her friend stayed behind as a human deposit while she went to withdraw cash," said a spokesman for police in the southern town of Muenchberg. "Unfortunately, the woman did not return."
Two hours after the 20-year-old driver left, the gas station called the police, who interrogated the stranded "deposit" before releasing her. Police are investigating the driver on suspicion of fraud.
Wow, with friends like that. And the mandatory blonde joke,
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
