Original poem: Visiting the Rural Society

[Herr Mullen]

First: mix of words. The girl was fat.
Second: two unrelated things.
Third: should have added 'and when you stood up' but it would be too long.
Fourth: next time I'll try finding a more interesting story. Like a girl I try to pick up and I can't, or a girl that likes me I don't like back.

That is really bad. If you want to tell a story like this, go into prose. Your poems don't sound or feel good; they're just boring. No hidden meanings. Everyone is asking "What is this poem about? Is there some vauge reference to war in there? Is that a joke on romance?" You reply "No, the girl was fat." Poetry is not for you, my dear fellow, don't try it.