I tried.

[DragonMasterX]

Hey, at least you're still you, Ray. We all have our weaknesses, and sure, internet can be a bitch and then some more, but as long as you have people you can have fun and distract yourself with you'll be able to forget about the tough reality until you can pull yourself together to get through it- one way or another.

I don't think any of us initially thinks that we are any good for the people we love and that plainly love us back, but thinking about it will only drive you crazy. You try, like you said, and that should be enough for anybody, yourself included.

You might want to be omniprescent at any given time with your friends, Ray, but if you want to be realist about all your pains and complications, also be realist with the fact that first you are the one that needs to feel better before you can even get near comforting your dearest and closest ones. In consequence, you can not blame yourself for internet being a bish or you being unable to make yourself get into a relationship; get over your stuff first, and then come with a smile to tell people your mind about what's happened. If you don't look out for yourself, nobody will, and if you get all depressed, you won't be able to be there for everyone when you really want, right?

School is a bitch, alright. My country is significantly different, but at the same time fucks things up royally. Without wanting to get too in-depth, basically, preschool, middle-school and high-school do not become exigent at any stage, and even encourage everyone to pass. At the moment of one being able to even try their hand at an Entrance Exam for any college of any career of any level, we're faced with the little fact that we never learned to study or gained any studying habit. Therefore, we're fucked as Universitary Students (3rd year at University and I've only bagged 3/34 of my subjects). What I'm trying to say is, sure, Ireland might suck when it comes to that, but everyone's got to suffer through school in one form of another. The good thing is that once you're over it, it's over for good, so just keep pushing on, you'll eventually be able to hold up a paper while you rasp at them and show 'em up.

Also, I'm sorry about your condition, Ray. I can't really make it any better, but I'm sure that with the caring love of your mother you'll eventually be able to either treat it or just slowly dissolve it as an everyday problem. Wish you luck and endurance.

Oh, and... Game your bloody head out, dude. We all need our distractions so we can keep the emo thoughts away from our conscience, so make sure you're always distracted with either that or studying or bonding with others; the key to balance.