06-13-2010, 12:36 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-13-2010, 09:19 PM by Guilmon and a shotgun.)
I'll bet thats not the only thing that hurts, bow chicka wow wow :P
Edit: Okay, so now that i've managed to read it though, It's a good text!
Just a few things here, mainly a small matter of the members being rather generously portioned considering the size of these creatures...borderline macrophillia for the phallus department perhaps?
"As she lied down" a common tense confusion here, lied has the -ed inflectional ending so that essentially drags this present tense into past and that's no good. Lay would be a better word to use here.
Edit: Okay, so now that i've managed to read it though, It's a good text!
Just a few things here, mainly a small matter of the members being rather generously portioned considering the size of these creatures...borderline macrophillia for the phallus department perhaps?
"As she lied down" a common tense confusion here, lied has the -ed inflectional ending so that essentially drags this present tense into past and that's no good. Lay would be a better word to use here.
UnknownH Wrote:We do have soap and smarter doctors nowYay!
