01-28-2010, 11:45 PM
try double spacing, like
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this. some words are mixed up, easy mistake most times. "I Now realize you Know about the secret". not to mention the emotions, i mean, did she break down and cry or will she eventually? is she repressing the feelings that will eventually come out with a bang?
er...are you building the story up? aren't you moving a little too fast for the story, ex: she kissed him on the lips. maybe the cheek? Injuries? she did get her knee, so is it slighty scraped and maybe bleed a little? or is it just a bruise?
......running out of things to say..give me time to think.
*
this. some words are mixed up, easy mistake most times. "I Now realize you Know about the secret". not to mention the emotions, i mean, did she break down and cry or will she eventually? is she repressing the feelings that will eventually come out with a bang?
er...are you building the story up? aren't you moving a little too fast for the story, ex: she kissed him on the lips. maybe the cheek? Injuries? she did get her knee, so is it slighty scraped and maybe bleed a little? or is it just a bruise?
......running out of things to say..give me time to think.
Many times lost, many times found again.
