11-23-2009, 01:46 PM
Sorry for that title, but I'm not entirely feeling positive about yesterday's and today's events with my family. I'm not gonna rant because I feel like it's not an issue since the solution is something I've already begun taking steps towards to and well... shit.
Here's the story: Last year, I flew off the nest. Started living on my own as I started college life, here in Mar del Plata. So... I guess I did well, because I never threw the towel and I did show I can be independant (Not mentioning the financial part though, since my parents thankfully provide the income so I don't have to work while studying). This year, though, my sister also came to study in Mar del Plata. She goes to a different colleges, but for obvious economical reasons, she and I had to be placed in the same appartment.
Okay, some of you already have seen my rants about our life together. It's basically just childish arguments. And I'm just like that with her: I argue and I argue and get all pissed off but hours later, a day tops, I'm all buddy buddy again with her. She works somewhat the same. Except... two days ago, morning, I was trying to catch some Zs, even though I was sleeping late, when I heard my family arguing in the kitchen.
Of course, I usually give a rat's ass about those kinds of arguments, since it's usually my sarcastic father trying to joke around with my mom who's practically the complete opposite and getting into 15 second-long arguments. But the three (Sis, mom and dad) kept mentioning my name. So I kept an ear out to over-hear (They practically were shouting anyway).
Bleh. Turns out she wants to live on her own next year because she can't tolerate me.
That night, as I was setting the fire for a BBQ, mom 'n dad decided to break it to me, and since I actually said: "Spare me, you guys were practically yelling it while I was trying to sleep.", we had a short talk about it. Mom left and I was stuck talking with dad.
One thing about my chats with dad is that he suddenly forgets about his sarcastic, good-vibe persona and you suddenly feel like there's a thousand eyes staring at you waiting for you to screw up to humiliate you.
Other than that, we had a man-to-man talk about how I felt about this situation. I gave my version of the facts and finished with my opinion. If I've to recall, it went somewhat like this:
Dad: "So, what's your opinion on this?"
Me: "To me, I think she took things a bit far this time. She never said anything about splitting next year. Other than that, I believe she's old enough to make her own decisions. Still... What she wants to do and what she can do are greatly different things," Granted, I'm sure I subconsciously pulled that line out from their discussion earlier, "We have it tough with money. It's not like we can rent two apartments just because she wants to live on her own."
Dad: "Yes, I understand. Trust me son, I know what it is you two are going through, and it's most likely age, and privacy, your own stuff, blah blah blah." <- Too long of a chat to remember.
Me: "Still... it sort of pisses me off that she'd go through this like that. I mean, sure, part of this is obviously my fault," I remember him nodding and talking about 50-50, "But I don't think there's any real reason for her to move out. It's stupid. We argue, but we argue like any god-damn pair of siblings who live together. The next morning we hug and cook for each other, and that's how it always will be so long as we live near each other. She's my sister, and she's my only sibling. Even if many times I despise her horrendous way of directing herself towards others, she's my family, and I wouldn't change her, what's more, I can't choose my family. I've been there for her, I'm here for her and I'm sure she'd be there for me if I needed her. The fact we argue is such a redundant thing in our life that I'm really having trouble thinking that's her real reason for wanting to split."
Dad: "I can tell. I already told your mother. This most likely is just one of her drown-screams. However... you two are old enough, and it's not like I can prohibite either of you to do what you think is right for yourselves. That's why I'll allow her to carry on as she likes. In time, she'll realize what's wrong and what's right. She's got more than 3 months to do that."
We talked, and talked. In the end, we decided to change subjects as mom came back. It's not like I wanted to repeat everything from the beggining and discuss about the same with an added person.
So. Yeah. Turns out I'm a horrible room-mate for my sister. Despite I've cooked for her and her friends, done almost every house favor she's asked for me and have shared my room with her everytime she'd like to come use my stuff. Don't mind me though, I know she's also cooked for me one time or another, it's just after this year, I really thought this had worked out pretty fine. Guess I was wrong.
Sigh... now I'm supposed to start looking for a new apartment for next year since we'll most likely be unable to afford the one we're currently in, since she wants an apartment for herself. Mom suggested a dorm. Geez, I'm way too much of a secluded-head to live with people I've never met before, all I do is go out for college, daily expenses and to the gym to work out.
I'm... anxious. And scared. I feel like I've been backstabbed, as well. But at the same time, I'm doubting those feelings.
Help...?
Here's the story: Last year, I flew off the nest. Started living on my own as I started college life, here in Mar del Plata. So... I guess I did well, because I never threw the towel and I did show I can be independant (Not mentioning the financial part though, since my parents thankfully provide the income so I don't have to work while studying). This year, though, my sister also came to study in Mar del Plata. She goes to a different colleges, but for obvious economical reasons, she and I had to be placed in the same appartment.
Okay, some of you already have seen my rants about our life together. It's basically just childish arguments. And I'm just like that with her: I argue and I argue and get all pissed off but hours later, a day tops, I'm all buddy buddy again with her. She works somewhat the same. Except... two days ago, morning, I was trying to catch some Zs, even though I was sleeping late, when I heard my family arguing in the kitchen.
Of course, I usually give a rat's ass about those kinds of arguments, since it's usually my sarcastic father trying to joke around with my mom who's practically the complete opposite and getting into 15 second-long arguments. But the three (Sis, mom and dad) kept mentioning my name. So I kept an ear out to over-hear (They practically were shouting anyway).
Bleh. Turns out she wants to live on her own next year because she can't tolerate me.
That night, as I was setting the fire for a BBQ, mom 'n dad decided to break it to me, and since I actually said: "Spare me, you guys were practically yelling it while I was trying to sleep.", we had a short talk about it. Mom left and I was stuck talking with dad.
One thing about my chats with dad is that he suddenly forgets about his sarcastic, good-vibe persona and you suddenly feel like there's a thousand eyes staring at you waiting for you to screw up to humiliate you.
Other than that, we had a man-to-man talk about how I felt about this situation. I gave my version of the facts and finished with my opinion. If I've to recall, it went somewhat like this:
Dad: "So, what's your opinion on this?"
Me: "To me, I think she took things a bit far this time. She never said anything about splitting next year. Other than that, I believe she's old enough to make her own decisions. Still... What she wants to do and what she can do are greatly different things," Granted, I'm sure I subconsciously pulled that line out from their discussion earlier, "We have it tough with money. It's not like we can rent two apartments just because she wants to live on her own."
Dad: "Yes, I understand. Trust me son, I know what it is you two are going through, and it's most likely age, and privacy, your own stuff, blah blah blah." <- Too long of a chat to remember.
Me: "Still... it sort of pisses me off that she'd go through this like that. I mean, sure, part of this is obviously my fault," I remember him nodding and talking about 50-50, "But I don't think there's any real reason for her to move out. It's stupid. We argue, but we argue like any god-damn pair of siblings who live together. The next morning we hug and cook for each other, and that's how it always will be so long as we live near each other. She's my sister, and she's my only sibling. Even if many times I despise her horrendous way of directing herself towards others, she's my family, and I wouldn't change her, what's more, I can't choose my family. I've been there for her, I'm here for her and I'm sure she'd be there for me if I needed her. The fact we argue is such a redundant thing in our life that I'm really having trouble thinking that's her real reason for wanting to split."
Dad: "I can tell. I already told your mother. This most likely is just one of her drown-screams. However... you two are old enough, and it's not like I can prohibite either of you to do what you think is right for yourselves. That's why I'll allow her to carry on as she likes. In time, she'll realize what's wrong and what's right. She's got more than 3 months to do that."
We talked, and talked. In the end, we decided to change subjects as mom came back. It's not like I wanted to repeat everything from the beggining and discuss about the same with an added person.
So. Yeah. Turns out I'm a horrible room-mate for my sister. Despite I've cooked for her and her friends, done almost every house favor she's asked for me and have shared my room with her everytime she'd like to come use my stuff. Don't mind me though, I know she's also cooked for me one time or another, it's just after this year, I really thought this had worked out pretty fine. Guess I was wrong.
Sigh... now I'm supposed to start looking for a new apartment for next year since we'll most likely be unable to afford the one we're currently in, since she wants an apartment for herself. Mom suggested a dorm. Geez, I'm way too much of a secluded-head to live with people I've never met before, all I do is go out for college, daily expenses and to the gym to work out.
I'm... anxious. And scared. I feel like I've been backstabbed, as well. But at the same time, I'm doubting those feelings.
Help...?
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