Things You Will Never Hear on "Digimon"... Version

[Gnostic Metatron Prime]

Another entry, based on the "Queen Kari" episode:

The Numemon Masses: *chanting* QUEEN KARI, QUEEN KARI, QUEEN KARI...

Hikari: Sweet! I'm bigger than Jesus right now!

The Numemon Masses: QUEEN KARI, QUEEN KARI, QUEEN... *all stop chanting* WHAT DID YOU SAY?!

Hikari: Aww shit... *runs away*

Numemon: Kill the infidel! No one is bigger than Jesusmon! *all chase after her*

Gatomon: You dumbass! We could have used all those suckers to fight Machinedramon for us!

*they reach a dead end*

Gatomon: Damn you, you stupid bitch! Now I'm going to die at the hands of a bunch of angry, slimy fanatics as if I'm Joel Schumacher at a comics convention!

Numemon: DIE, PIGS!

Hikari: Wait! You can't kill me! I... uh... have a message for you all. Yeah, that's it. I have come to tell you something important... something related to Jesusmon!

*The numemon stop just as they're about to smother Hikari to death, and slowly back up and start prostrating before her*

Numemon: O great and merciful Queen... forgive your foolish servants! Please, give us the words of Jesusmon!

Hikari: Very well, you're forgiven... but only if you repent your sins by charging and attacking the evil Machinedramon!

*The Numemon start backing up again*

Hikari: What do you think you're doing?! I gave you a holy crusade, did I not?

*One numemon step forth*

Lone Numemon: But... he'll kill us, O merciful Queen!

Hikari: Hey, are you arguing with the words of Jesusmon?!

Lone Numemon: Oh no, Queen, of course not...

Hikari: Are you trying to create some radical new religion, hmm? DigIslam, maybe? Or maybe DigiMormonism?

Lone Numemon: Of course not, O Queen!

Hikari: Then get off your non-existant asses and go kill Machinedramon! NOW!

*The little green buggers all run off on their foolhardy quest*

Gatomon: Whoa...

Hikari: And you doubted me.