Things You Will Never Hear on "Digimon"... Version

[Wisemon]

Oh no, you're taking the thing too seriously. The whole point of the "Evil JP versus Dubya" joke was to offend everyone. (Strangely enough, though, over the summer, I went to camp, and one of my roommates was a big psychotic guy who behaved a lot like Evil JP, which just goes to show that truth is much more fucked up than fiction.)

Oh, he was supposed to be an evil version? Why didn't you say so? I was probably confused because my J.P. also has a dark blue side. Despite what I said in my last post, there is one part from an actual episode that I think needed amending. I'm not big on script format, but since it's the standard for this topic, I'll give it a shot.

From "Cherubimania", during Takuya's dream sequence:
Takuya is resting by a tree with his head in Zoe's lap. Koji is being chased playfully by Kouichi, J.P., and Tommy.
Takuya(referring to Koji): I'd much rather be doing what I'm doing than what he's doing.
J.P.*suddenly standing in front of Takuya*: Hey, are you sure about that? You might want to reconsider your preferences. Personally, I like breathing, but to each his own.
Takuya*stands up*: Come on buddy, it's just a dream, and she's the only girl. You can't get mad at me for dreaming about her. I'll make you a deal. If you let me fuck her in dreamland, several episodes later, when she tells me that she likes me, I'll tell her that I only like her as a friend. *Takuya extends his right hand for a handshake.*
J.P.*grabs Takuya's wrist with his left hand*: It's a deal.
Takuya: That's my wrist, and you're using the wrong hand.
J.P.: Yeah, I know. *J.P. quickly squats down and takes Takuya up in a fireman carry. Then he pushes up Takuya's legs and slams him on his back. He follows that up with knee drops to Takuya's ribcage. He keeps going until the broken ribs puncture Takuya's lungs.*
Zoe: You killed him in his sleep?
J.P.: He'll be fine when he wakes up, except Cherubimon will still be kicking his ass.
Zoe: Ophanimon should've given us the power to do Unified Evolutions. When Takuya and Koji have to face The Royal Knights, they're going to fuck up every single time.
J.P.: Yeah, but while they're fucking up, we can fool around. Speaking of which, do you want to do some of that now?
Zoe: Yeah, let's do it on Takuya's corpse.