07-30-2003, 09:48 AM
That is honestly one of the best pieces of fanfic that I've read recently. I really like the way how you describe the character's anime-like movements -- it allows the story to feel almost like an actual episode of the TV-series. You got the characters quite well, too: I'm sure that's exactly how the, uhm, 'real' Tai and Kari would behave given the same situation. Very good.
While I'm at it, here's some advice (even though I, never having written so much as a single lemon myself, are quite unqualified to give it): Don't allow yourself to be hurried. Make the story last and save the sex scenes for when they're appropriate. There are way too many "balls over brains"-lemons out there which consist almost solely of sex. Don't get me wrong, I do like them for when I'm looking for a quick thrill, but once in a while, I also appreciate a lemon with a proper, well-written story. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
In other words: Keep up the great work. You rock!
While I'm at it, here's some advice (even though I, never having written so much as a single lemon myself, are quite unqualified to give it): Don't allow yourself to be hurried. Make the story last and save the sex scenes for when they're appropriate. There are way too many "balls over brains"-lemons out there which consist almost solely of sex. Don't get me wrong, I do like them for when I'm looking for a quick thrill, but once in a while, I also appreciate a lemon with a proper, well-written story. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way.
In other words: Keep up the great work. You rock!