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My AU of Red Rover's End Game story

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My AU of Red Rover's End Game story
Marine
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#11
09-16-2006, 06:02 AM
I dislike your main character. He seems too powerful, too Gary Stue, too macho to take on the entire council and Emperor Izzy. I'm looking for an apparent weakness to your character but its not looking to good. No matter how he got these 'abilities', there's too much masculinity to shake a bag at. You can't keep building up strengths and ignoring weaknesses.

There's too many 'was' verbs where better, action verbs could be placed.
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Messages In This Thread
My AU of Red Rover's End Game story - by cboy - 09-14-2006, 11:13 AM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-14-2006, 12:18 PM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-14-2006, 01:28 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-14-2006, 01:33 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-14-2006, 01:38 PM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-14-2006, 01:47 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-14-2006, 02:20 PM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-15-2006, 02:17 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-15-2006, 11:24 PM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-16-2006, 04:59 AM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-16-2006, 06:02 AM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-16-2006, 06:55 AM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-16-2006, 09:25 AM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-16-2006, 12:04 PM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-16-2006, 12:44 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-16-2006, 01:38 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-16-2006, 01:41 PM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-16-2006, 02:25 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-17-2006, 01:00 AM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 09-18-2006, 05:57 AM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-18-2006, 11:44 AM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-25-2006, 02:20 PM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-26-2006, 02:48 AM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-26-2006, 03:05 AM
[No subject] - by Anonmon - 09-26-2006, 06:50 AM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-26-2006, 08:13 AM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 09-26-2006, 10:43 AM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-26-2006, 11:18 AM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 09-26-2006, 11:24 AM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-26-2006, 12:27 PM
[No subject] - by Marine - 09-26-2006, 12:57 PM
[No subject] - by Wisemon - 09-26-2006, 01:19 PM
[No subject] - by cboy - 09-26-2006, 02:24 PM