Original poem: Visiting the Rural Society

[The Anti Wisemon]

The success that my other poem had made me work even harder for you!. And please, vote again in my poll. Enjoy!

Visiting the Rural Society

Visiting the Rural Society
I know I'll never see again
Cows on a spree in a Jaguar
Cause you'll take their place

I like to kiss you
Despite the shit scent
In the horses stand
I gave you a lottery ticket
And told you that in the 'Cap' stand
A female would give you a cookie
So I met you again
Trying some pate

Visiting the Rural Society
They gave me a cap
That protected me from heat stroke
And had an insecticide badge

I saw you sitting on a pipe
You tripped on a bull turd
And fell in front of my flip flops
Hot dog, hot dog!

[Wisemon]

Would you care to explain the meaning, or are you just hoping that somebody invents one for you? It's euphonic; I'll give it that, but it could use some punctuation. I think "Give Me a Lemon" was better in that it had a point.

[Herr Mullen]

No rhythm, no rhyme. Seemingly romantic; is it supposed to be a parody? Are you trying to take the micky out of traditional romantic poetry? There's no imagry. It was boring, and wasted about a minute of my valuble time.

[The Anti Wisemon]

Would you care to explain the meaning, or are you just hoping that somebody invents one for you?

It's about a visit I once made to a rural society and met a friend there that stalled me. Is that so unclear?

It was boring, and wasted about a minute of my valuble time.

I am extremely sorry. How can I make it up to you?

[Wisemon]

Is that so unclear?

No, but can you explain this:

Cows on a spree in a Jaguar
Cause you'll take their place

How about this:

I gave you a lottery ticket
And told you that in the 'Cap' stand
A female would give you a cookie

I saw you sitting on a pipe
You tripped on a bull turd

How can somebody trip on a bull turd while sitting on a pipe. What's the "pipe" supposed to be?

Thank you for verifying that there was no deeper meaning here, no extended metaphors. If, as you say, this is just a story, I believe it is more suited to prose, though it's not a very interesting story.

[UnknownH]

Like I said, any "idiot" can write something that looks like a poem. It just doesn't make much sense.

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

well i am trying and maybe I should post it here too...... I am making a poem booklet soon too....But thats a work in progress....

and Anti-Wisemon your poetry seems to lack
1> rhythm
2> texture
3> word choice.
4> structure
5> orignality
6> metaphor
7> story within a story
8> suspension of disbelief
9> one good line
10 regularity

No offense but your poem is not that well worded and it should be fixed and maybe you'll have something......

Good luck and a poet takes skill.... and a lot more than boostingabout a work that feels unfinished

[Gunter VanCrimson]

Is a poem... supposed to be "romantric"?

-'Cuz I don't know anything about poems.

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

really and you have some really good ones..........

Everyone is a poet inside its there choice either to shine or to fall.....

[Blitz VanCrimson]

Gunter has poems? Where? Did he tell you?