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I just submitted the contest winner, You Don't Love Me Anymore, the last new lemon you'll see from me for a while. It's heavily influenced by Stabbing Westward. If anyone here knows about Stabbing Westward, comments about the band would be cool (I think they were very underrated). More importantly, comments about the lemon would be really great. Please, READ AND REVIEW (except UnknownH, who's already read it in testing, thanks again). Here's the preview:
Daisuke sat in his room and stared at his D-Terminal screen, waiting for Hikari
"I looked up and saw you;
I know that you saw me.
We froze but for a moment
In empathy."-Rise Against
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and I went back and will add my comments up to that point
"So why does it have to be Hikari?" Daisuke remembered the root
of the obsession. "It's because I feel imperfect. I'm socially
inept, and I can't stick to doing my homework. I'm searching for an
angel, someone who can make me whole. Miyako and I are very
similar people, but Hikari could fill in my blank spots." are
you projecting some of my thoughts on to davis or yours
"flying hope moved in and out of Hikari?s pink halo." appropiate
or just kinda weird don't know
"winged pork sauce," what?
I'm impressed, wisemon! In the first chapter of it, no one had thier heads chopped off! No one got body slammed to death! No one got strangled to death! No one got raped, stabed, beaten, or smashed!
Good job, you decided to save that for a sequel this time!
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heh heh he got you there wise
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and now another part of my review
"Warren Worthington III" wouldn't he have to be blue with metal
wings for that to happen?
you know slash angemon came to mind when I found this
This does seem to be different from your usual style of writing, wisemon.
For instance, much of the quotes in the second part of the story seem different from such in the first one and compared to others you have written; much of the story seems to represent your changing current lifestyle.