11-18-2003, 11:07 AM
This is a place where you can just rant on and on about stuff nobody cares about, right? Well, this isn't some kind of depression thing, but this is just something I need to say somewhere for myself. Replies won't matter much. This will be free-flowing, saying what comes to my mind. I will not remove anything, so this is all what goes through my head.
My story begins in high school, when for the most part, I considered myself to be straight. I had a good friend there named Tim in every year. We even rode the same bus together every year. Because I was so close to him, he came out to me during Sophomore year as being bisexual (he pretty much recognizes himself as gay now, though he knows he still has some attraction to women). About a year later, because he knew what it was like, I came out to him as being bi as well. During Senior year, I started to become attracted to him, even going as far as love. I wasn't sure that it was love for a while, but after thinking about the things I would do for him, I became convinced. He never returned my affections, but that doesn't matter to me.
After high school ended, however, I was faced with a very grim problem: most friendships in high school end with the school life. I definitely didn't want that to happen. Thanks to instant messengers, I was able to keep in contact with him all the time, and I tried to meet him whenever I could, whether it be at his house or at our local game store. However, when that closed and he was starting to have no time for company, we grew apart.
The game store has reopened since then, and now that he rejects his past obsession with MUD gaming, he went there yesterday. I went there as well, simply to meet him, and I was so happy. It was the first time I had seen him in a long time, and the heart shouldn't be made to suffer so long. I hope that now he has more time available and our meeting place is back, I can see him some more and spend more time with him.
I really don't know if he will ever feel the same way toward me, or if he will even try. Generally, it doesn't matter too much to me, but as I said, the heart shouldn't be made to suffer so long. I want to be with him as much as possible, partly because I love him, and partly because I want him to love me, too. I don't know what to do, though. I know I have to respect his wishes and not take the next move, if there is one at all.
That makes it all the more depressing, though, because he hasn't expressed interest in persuing a relationship with me. There's also a girl that he somewhat likes as it is. :( OH TIM!!!! This cat is being teased by a mouse inside the whole just outside of the cat's reach! The cat wants to get the mouse so badly, but he can never reach it! I NEED YOU TIM!!!
:( As was said in Gravitation, "nothing hurts quite like unrequited love." How true it is. I was in love with Tim for a long time during school, and ended up expressing it because I couldn't hold it in anymore. Maybe I could bring it up during a conversation that happens to be in that direction. I don't know. I hate this. I'm spared more than I was in school because I don't have to face him every day, but I do want to be with him every day. I can't think of anyone else that I'd rather be with every day (though not all day every day, I know that's crazy), not even my ex-fiancee. This is sounding like a marriage proposal now. I probably would like to be married to him. We'd even have a problem then, though, because he doesn't need sex nearly as much as I do. :( :(
I don't suppose I can rant any more and give something new. This is pretty much my dilemma. I just needed to take that somewhere.
My story begins in high school, when for the most part, I considered myself to be straight. I had a good friend there named Tim in every year. We even rode the same bus together every year. Because I was so close to him, he came out to me during Sophomore year as being bisexual (he pretty much recognizes himself as gay now, though he knows he still has some attraction to women). About a year later, because he knew what it was like, I came out to him as being bi as well. During Senior year, I started to become attracted to him, even going as far as love. I wasn't sure that it was love for a while, but after thinking about the things I would do for him, I became convinced. He never returned my affections, but that doesn't matter to me.
After high school ended, however, I was faced with a very grim problem: most friendships in high school end with the school life. I definitely didn't want that to happen. Thanks to instant messengers, I was able to keep in contact with him all the time, and I tried to meet him whenever I could, whether it be at his house or at our local game store. However, when that closed and he was starting to have no time for company, we grew apart.
The game store has reopened since then, and now that he rejects his past obsession with MUD gaming, he went there yesterday. I went there as well, simply to meet him, and I was so happy. It was the first time I had seen him in a long time, and the heart shouldn't be made to suffer so long. I hope that now he has more time available and our meeting place is back, I can see him some more and spend more time with him.
I really don't know if he will ever feel the same way toward me, or if he will even try. Generally, it doesn't matter too much to me, but as I said, the heart shouldn't be made to suffer so long. I want to be with him as much as possible, partly because I love him, and partly because I want him to love me, too. I don't know what to do, though. I know I have to respect his wishes and not take the next move, if there is one at all.
That makes it all the more depressing, though, because he hasn't expressed interest in persuing a relationship with me. There's also a girl that he somewhat likes as it is. :( OH TIM!!!! This cat is being teased by a mouse inside the whole just outside of the cat's reach! The cat wants to get the mouse so badly, but he can never reach it! I NEED YOU TIM!!!
:( As was said in Gravitation, "nothing hurts quite like unrequited love." How true it is. I was in love with Tim for a long time during school, and ended up expressing it because I couldn't hold it in anymore. Maybe I could bring it up during a conversation that happens to be in that direction. I don't know. I hate this. I'm spared more than I was in school because I don't have to face him every day, but I do want to be with him every day. I can't think of anyone else that I'd rather be with every day (though not all day every day, I know that's crazy), not even my ex-fiancee. This is sounding like a marriage proposal now. I probably would like to be married to him. We'd even have a problem then, though, because he doesn't need sex nearly as much as I do. :( :(
I don't suppose I can rant any more and give something new. This is pretty much my dilemma. I just needed to take that somewhere.
Love IS worth the wait. I've felt but a small touch of it until now and all I have is hope for love from Kiera.