I need help!

[Astaroth]

Since what has happened between me, my sister and her boyfriend I am starting to feel suicidal and I need some advice on what I should do. I've been to 11 councilors who have tried to help me but have failed on helping me.
I want some advice for someone to make this suicidal feeling go. So if any of you have got any advice, please tell me and I promise you I will try it

[johalt]

Hmm, well, I don't know if this helps, bit when I feel suicidal, but I don't wanna go through with it, I lock myself away, and take ten minutes or so and really think about things: I search deep within for the things that make me wanna stay and not kill myself (for me it's usu pizza, porn, and/or pie) and that usually helps me get through the day, or until something good happens, whichever comes first. It also helps if you have somebody just to talk to and spill your feelings with, but those are sometimes hard to come by...

[The Reclaimer]

So I've read bit about your whole situation, which is unfortunate, on some of your other threads. I can see why you would feel how you do.

So first things first. What should you do? Don't kill yourself. You will probably still feel suicidal. It will take time to get over everything. A lot of time. Look to possibilities of the future and don't drown in what is happening now.

Moving on to the counselors you have seen. You say you've seen 11 of them...that's a lot. What time span did you see them for (one or two meetings is not going to be enough to help, it will takes months, maybe years)? A lot of time treatment for psychological and physical abuse takes a lot of time (sometimes years) to undo. It does not seem likely that having seen 11 counselors that one had enough time with you to get treatment far along.

I'm sure for a while it won't seem like they or helping or understanding but they have a lot of stuff to work around to figure out how to treat you best. You need to find one you like and stick with that one so they can know what is going on without others trying to treat you.

You say they have failed to help you, but didn't mention how. Deciding how they didn't help might help you identify those who might be better at it.

This place is great to jot down what you might need or are looking for but professional treatment is the way to go, and it needs to be consistent and long term to do any real good.

[Astaroth]

Hmm, well, I don't know if this helps, bit when I feel suicidal, but I don't wanna go through with it, I lock myself away, and take ten minutes or so and really think about things: I search deep within for the things that make me wanna stay and not kill myself (for me it's usu pizza, porn, and/or pie) and that usually helps me get through the day, or until something good happens, whichever comes first. It also helps if you have somebody just to talk to and spill your feelings with, but those are sometimes hard to come by...

Well I could try and do what you do and see what happened, I could think that I shouldnt end my life like:
I have good friends, I have a boyfriend, I have some family to live for, I have an education

I've talked to too many people about it and nothing has help and this is my last option

---

So I've read bit about your whole situation, which is unfortunate, on some of your other threads. I can see why you would feel how you do.

So first things first. What should you do? Don't kill yourself. You will probably still feel suicidal. It will take time to get over everything. A lot of time. Look to possibilities of the future and don't drown in what is happening now.

Moving on to the counselors you have seen. You say you've seen 11 of them...that's a lot. What time span did you see them for (one or two meetings is not going to be enough to help, it will takes months, maybe years)? A lot of time treatment for psychological and physical abuse takes a lot of time (sometimes years) to undo. It does not seem likely that having seen 11 counselors that one had enough time with you to get treatment far along.

I'm sure for a while it won't seem like they or helping or understanding but they have a lot of stuff to work around to figure out how to treat you best. You need to find one you like and stick with that one so they can know what is going on without others trying to treat you.

You say they have failed to help you, but didn't mention how. Deciding how they didn't help might help you identify those who might be better at it.

This place is great to jot down what you might need or are looking for but professional treatment is the way to go, and it needs to be consistent and long term to do any real good.

The councolers I have been seeing since I was 7, since I became suicidal, I have had violent parents and now violent sister. The reason they have failied is because before they say I'm better they say all the time after I have left seeing them about my problem I'm suppose to get better right after, but after I have left the counciling treatment, I go back and become suicidal for some odd reason.

[johalt]

Like I said, you really need to consider your situation. You say you feel like killing yourself, but that you don't want to. You need to figure out exactly why you want to kill yourself (shouldn't be too too hard) and what it i's you wanna stick around for; why i's it you don't want to kill yourself (this might be slightly harder)? If you can figure these things out, you can remove yourself from what has been making you suicidal, and can emerse and focus in on what you want to hang on to in life. There must be something, otherwise this wouldn't be an issue.

[The Reclaimer]

The councolers I have been seeing since I was 7, since I became suicidal, I have had violent parents and now violent sister. The reason they have failied is because before they say I'm better they say all the time after I have left seeing them about my problem I'm suppose to get better right after, but after I have left the counciling treatment, I go back and become suicidal for some odd reason.

Okay so assuming you are in your mid to late teens now, 11 makes more sense. So basically they say treatment is done and that you should feel better but you leave and start to feel suicidal again. I hope I got that right.

You really need to go back in for more counseling. Counselors should not be releasing you and saying "You'll feel better soon." You should be in sessions until you are better, and can feel that way for several sessions. It should not end when they say "We're done" it should end when you decide to say "I think I've come to a point where we can try stopping and see how it goes". It should not be about how long you have been with them or how you should be feeling, it should be about how you are feeling and how much progress you are making.

Find a new counselor and stick with them. Make sure in your first meeting that you make your history with others clear (about suicidal feelings returning after counseling), and make sure that they are willing to be in it for the long haul. Again, it's not about them saying you should be feeling better now, we're done. If they say that you need to let them know if you are not ready. Plus I would think this is a case where you should be weened from treatment. Maybe go once a week, then every other week, then once a month, then every couple months, etc. You should be somewhere that you can check in when needed, and still have that counselor as a support system if needed.

Professional help is the best course, it's going to help you do all the things johnalt is asking you to think about, but it's also going to help you restructure the way you perceive things and deal with the emotional and physical trauma of your past.

[BlackVeedramon]

When I am depressed, I read and watch a lot of funny stuff, eat chocolate and sleep a lot. Also you may need to go out, meet new people and have fun, don't isolate yourself from the real world. And avoiding talking to your sister and her boyfriend would be also a good idea.

[Frisk E. Coyote]

When I get depressed, I laugh. A lot. I watch stand up comedy on youtube, I watch funny anime, I watch comedy central, anything. Anything to forget for a while, and eventually, it'll go away. If that doesn't work, I keep myself busy, always thinking, never idle, daydream about things I like, things I want to do, things I haven't done yet- make up plans, even if they seem too great to be realistic- to achieve those things. Cook, eat, go out running, watch the sky, listen to music, make your life a music video. Play sad songs to make yourself cry until you've let it all out, fierce songs (fast tempo, harsh sounds, angry lyrics, etc) that make you angry at the world help me get everything out, and soothing songs are best for just lying down on the grass, or a roof, watching the clouds roll by.

Me, I write. I write, and write, and write. I make up characters from scratch, from their appearances to their personalities and back stories, fill in every little detail, every little thing from how they got that scar on their knee to what side of the bed he/she likes to sleep in. Sometimes, I put all my problems into that character's life and exaggerate them exponentially. I make that character struggle, and hurt, and cry, but in the end, the character survives, the character triumphs, and continues to search for a happy ending.

If I'm too restless to write... I run. I run and I run and I run, I exercise, hard. I make myself tired. If I'm too exhausted to think, then I'm too exhausted to feel suicidal. Working hard can also help you release some stress.

When in the end, I cannot face my torment by myself, I talk to a friend, tell him/her everything that's bothering me. Tell everyone I can, release everything I've been trying to hold down by myself and accept the care of those who care about me. Hold hands, or hug them tightly, touch is good, touch is therapeutic. Being patted or stroked naturally soothes children and even adults. Seek comfort in those willing to comfort you, because there is still so much to do, and so much to live for, even if it's not apparent at the moment.

You matter.