03-16-2003, 04:14 AM
How many hours is left for the deadline?
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Kharon Alpha's MARCH Contest
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03-19-2003, 12:29 AM
Kharon, when are you going to send me the fanfics to judge? (and to the other judges if you haven't already)
03-21-2003, 09:17 PM
Ooohh, waiting for results is horrible..... Anxiety just creeps in on you...
03-22-2003, 04:14 AM
The entries have been sent to my judges, and I have begun judging on all entered stories. For personal reasons, I was offline for the past few days, so the deadline got extended a bit, but all judging results should, hopefully, be in by the 25th. To all entrants, good luck.
03-30-2003, 01:33 PM
All right, here are the OVERALL results. I don't have time to spend giving a lot of critique tonight, so I'm going to just post the four judges final scores on all four entries.
Also, I regret that Red Rover withdrew from the contest during grading. However, I have extrapolated his scores based on averages, and had he not withdrawn, he would likely be the Runner-Up for this contest. His entry was "Servitude", a Gatomon/Myotismon story that's worth reading. By my estimations, his score would have been between 290 and 310. Many congratulations are in order for all of our contestants. Lord Archive, Chibi Renamon, Hybrid Halogen, and even you Paladine. You all did excellent work on your stories, and I hope you don't mind if our scoring seems harsh. Below I've listed the TOTAL score each judge awarded to each story | Kharon Alpua | Hazan Z | ThunderEc | Alex Cain | Totals | Lord Archive's UNFORGIVEN received a stunning 355 points, out of a possible 400. This makes him the winner, and so: Congratulations to Lord Achive, our March Author of the Month. I will contact you via email about your prize once I have a few spare moments. Chibi Renamon, with SUBMISSION TO LOVE, earned a decent 296 points, out of the same possible maximum, making him our Runner Up. As with Lord Archive, I will contact you via email about your prize. Hybrid Halogen entered with THE ABOMINABLE TRIANGLE, an ironically appropriate title for the story, in my opinion. This story earned 293 points of the possible 400, earning it a well deserved third place. And lastly, Paladine900 entered her CAT'S OUTTA THE BAG, which despite being wonderfully detailed and amazingly enjoyable, lacked in every department but the lemon scene. Paladine shows a lot of promise, but mindless yiff isn't the best contest entry, as this one earned only 217 points out of the 400 point maximum. Despite its score, this is a recommended read on my list, so check it out, if you haven't already.
03-30-2003, 09:20 PM
Great job, all of you!
And if Kharon is not going to post the comments, any of the contestants can ask me to send them mine if they're interested.
03-31-2003, 04:35 AM
ThunderEchoes, and Hazan also, I would much appreciate if you would post your comments on the fics. My final judge didn't have any, but I still have little time to spare, so I'll keep my comments short, and just C&P them from the judging file.
----- Judgement Day: Kharon Alpha's Scores ----- Entry 1: Unforgiven Lord Archive Plot -- 14 A bit bland. Original, hell yes, but a bit bland all the same. A few plot twists add a bit of spicy flavor, but not quite a saving grace. Character Depth -- 16 Most of the characterization comes from the few plot twists, but thanks to them, the story flows smoothly and Ruki's character change is understandable. Lemon scene(s) -- 18 Only one, and well written as he usually does. Though it seems like a rape, and is portrayed as one, it's a fine example of this story. Writing Quality -- 20 He is Lord Archive, and his writings are always above par. The judgement is not made because of who he is, though, but simply on this story's own credit. Grammar -- 19 Excellent grammar, but the usual typos and occasional missing words keep it from perfection. No fears, nobody is perfect in grammatical skills. Shakespeare Reference: +1 Total: 88 Overall: 92 (I feel this story is worthy of a 92% score through it's blending use of all the categories, and not relying on any one of them.) ---------------------------- Entry 2: Submission to Love Chibi Renamon Plot -- 12 To be honest, slave girl stories aren't uncommon, Digimon ones aren't even rare. Triggering the story on her birthday wasn't new, but a few nice devices (wanna know what they were? Read it yourself) were welcome changes from the norm in this category. Character Depth -- 10 Capturing accuracy of their portrayal is great, but an apparent lack of growth since the series hurts the depth of the characters. The two focused on were decent, but they didn't excel in characterization, in any way. Lemon Scene(s) -- 16 Excellent work, but they're dry. We don't need technical descriptions, but the short sentences used in this entry limit the experience a bit. It got me going, but only because of the grand scale used here. Writing Quality -- 18 Well done, but the sentences and paragraphs were too short. I know even I've fallen into the line by line format at times, but I also recognize that doing a whole story in line by line form isn't good. Grammar -- 18 Well done, not too many typos. As I've said, nobody is perfect. Shakespeare Reference: +0 Total: 74 Overall: 80 Worth reading, the overall score is from blending the elements. It's a mini-epic, done in short chapters, and is worth reading. It would've been a shame to overlook this, but I'd likely have done so had it not been in the contest. ---------------------------- Entry 3: Servitude Red Rover Plot -- 19 Not quite the tack I was expecting to be taken by those who chose Tailmon, but still not bad. His plots often make up for his poor grammar. Character Depth -- 14 Tailmon, Pico Devimon, Vandemon... all portrayed somewhat blandly. They know and react to the others, but still they are dry and bland. Lemon Scene(s) -- 18 With the position this story puts Tailmon in, it should be little surprise that the lemon scene is a bit dry and dull -- read if you want to know why. Because this type of scene works with the story, I feel it deserves a good score. Writing Quality -- 14 This is largely tied in with the grammar score, because despite being known for high quality lemons, this author hurts his quality in some views by his grammatical and typographic errors. Grammar -- 17 As usual, the story is plagued with grammatical problems. Though many overlook these errors due to his status and renown, in a contest such things must not be overlooked. Shakespeare Reference: +0 Total: 82 Overall: 82 This is Red Rover, and he's not someone to be taken lightly, even if he does suck at grammar. The story is great, but a bit rushed. Also, I expected the strong Tailmon, not the pre-Eighth Child one. Sadly, Red withdrew after I had judged the story, making his score invalid. ---------------------------- Entry 4: Cat's Outta The Bag Paladine900 Plot -- 3 PWP: I think we know what that means. The bare minimum of exposition is given that it isn't a pure lemon, but it may as well be a PWP. This is not to judge all of her work, but this one lacks plot. Character Depth -- 13 Not really there. Little background on the situation, and it moves into a ten page lemon scene by page three. You don't need character for that kind of story, even though it wouldn't hurt. Lemon Scene(s) -- 20 Damn, it is fucking rare that I see such an excellent scene. Were I in the mood, I could address how the grammar problems hurt it, but the scene itself was good enough to earn a perfect score, and I have no doubt this will be her trademark: Excellent, thorough, and arousing sex scenes. Writing Quality -- 16 Great style, good story, but not quite up to par. A lot of it comes from an apparent lack of mastery of the English language, not a severe lack, but on par with what many high school students I personally know might have. It's not that they don't know it, but that they haven't mastered the skills they've been taught. It hard to describe, really. Grammar -- 10 Could use a lot of work, maybe even a proofreader. The lemon scenes are great, and usually it's homonyms that she's mixing up, but on occasion there are typos that just make me pause and lose the flow of the story. Not good. Shakespeare Reference: +0 Total: 62 Overall: 80 This is a poor example of a "story", but an excellent sample of an extremely good lemon scene, which makes up for the lack of plot and characterization. Read this one if only for the lemon scene. ---------------------------- Entry 5: The Abominable Triangle Hybrid Halogen Plot -- 16 Boy likes girl, girl likes other boy, other boy likes other girl. Throw in a dash of Digimon battles involving Henry getting beaten up, and you have a recipe for a story. This story might have done better if it hadn't recycled a plot device I used back when Tamers was freshly dubbed, though. Character Depth -- 10 A few slight flaws with Rika, from the beginning onward. Also, Henry doesn't take Judo, as I recall he takes Tai Chi. Miss Asaji isn't Henry's teacher, and Rika doesn't even go to the same school as the boys, to name a few flaws. The story abounds with such mistakes. Lemon Scene(s) -- 17 Not amazing, but decent. Working in two of them gets some extra points, though neither one is anything special. Writing Quality -- 14 Stop stealing my plot devices! The whole Ruki/Takato/Juri triangle is MY job. Other than that, not a horrible style, but nothing too exciting. It doesn't draw me in, but it doesn't push me away either. Grammar -- 12 Not great, a lot of missing punctuation, occasionally missing words, sometimes just letters. A proofreader would definitely be suggested, but the story flows well enough despite these grammatical mistakes. Shakespeare Reference: Total: 69 Overall: 75 It's a good story that would have done better without being a lemon, in my opinion. Also, proofreading and more thought on his own plot elements would be nice. But I was very reminded of my own story involving a Ruki/Takato/Juri triangle, though mine was a bit subtler. ---------------------------- There's my scores and reasonings, but I don't have much time right now. I've got work to do today, so I'll check back later.
03-31-2003, 05:39 AM
In alphabetical order. I also forgot to add the Shakespeare reference point to Lord Archive before, so his score's a 86 instead of 85.
"Cat's Outta The Bag" Plot: 5 The plot did not fit the requirements of the theme. There was no character development, and Gatomon did not have to go through "taming" to actually have sex with Agumon and Gabumon. There was a brief explanation of the reason they had sex, but it was not realistic if you take Gatomon's troubled past and insecurities into consideration. Character Depth: 11 Agumon's shyness, hesitation, and way of facing situations were quite accurate. However, these characteristics were merely existent in his portrayal, and did not have any connection with the plot itself. His personality needed to be explored further for a believable outcome; "I'm horny, you're horny, let's screw" just doesn't satisfy readers who are looking for more than sex in a lemon. Gabumon was worse. The changes in his character occured too fast, and for no real reason. I can see him masturbating, since he is the most introverted Digimon in the group and would hardly let others know what he's doing in his personal time. That does not mean he would be so eager to share the experience with anyone else. Gabumon is shy; he has difficulty making friends, and it would be even more difficult for him to allow others to get that close. It would be understandable if Gatomon and him were involved in a relationship, or if he was going through serious problems with Matt; Gabumon should be used to Matt's temper by now, so him shouting at Gabumon would not upset him enough to let others in on the event. Gatomon did not start out bad. Her friendly teasing is acceptable if she thought the problem was not serious, and she was trying to be helpful. You completely missed her introverted side, though; it would take time and determination for her partner to persuade her to have sex, since her past experiences would have taught her to not allow people to get too close. She would not be rolling on the floor with laughter about something like that either; I can see her snickering at the most, but in a way that she wouldn't make her friend feel bad. Her curiosity was well played out, but still stretched way too far; masturbating while she knew Agumon and Gabumon were downstairs is too awkward for her to do. Tai and Matt were fine, with maybe the exception of Matt's overreaction to his partner masturbating. Kari barely appeared, but I still can't see her going as far as screaming about Gatomon's situation. "I need to talk to Gatomon about something" also seemed too convenient. Lemon Scene(s): 18 The lemon scene covered more than half of the fanfic. Many different positions, comparatively good writing and length sure made it enjoyable. I still don't believe it deserves a 20, and not just because of the grammar mistakes and the repetition of words and phrases. My main problem with it is that it's overdone; long lemon scenes are fine, but there has to be a limit to their length. This one tired me out from the middle and on. I remember I had written a fanfic with a lemon scene exactly that long, which I deleted the moment I finished writing. I should also add that it gets very unrealistic. That stamina is impossible, even if they are Digimon. Writing Quality: 12 The writing quality of the fanfic was nothing special. With readable descriptions, words we see used in pretty much every other fanfic, and no detail, I would say it was a bit lower than average. The lemon scene was the only exception, in which there was a very visible improvement in the writing style. Grammar: 8 Spell-check is definitely required; there were many misspelled words which ruined the story's flow. The grammar was not any better either. The lack of connection between phrases and sentences gave me a headache. You should especially watch the commas missed, and the mistakes as to where "he" and "his" and where "she", "her" and "hers" fit. Total Score: 54 "Submission To Love" Plot: 17 This plot was certainly interesting, well-thought out, and able to keep the reader enwrapped in the story. However, its smooth flow bothered me a bit; there were no plot twists, no really unexpected incidents... The scenario began unfolding after she met Sora, but the tension remained stable all throughout. It does fit the contest's theme, but it just feels like a certain boost was needed at a point. There were some very small plot holes here and there, but they are so minor I'm willing to ignore them. Character Depth: 18 Yolei was excellent. Her reactions to every situation I could easily see happening in the series, and her insecurities were given the right depth as well; her need to be alone when stress weighed down on her, her momentary disappointment at the ones close to her, her difficulties in making a choice she would not later regret, her hesitation as to the validity of her feelings... All were displayed in the story without being shoved in our faces, but in a beautiful indirect way that allows you to actually picture the character doing what she is described to do. I should only note that her insecurities and problems would not be gotten over that quickly at that age, but rather pondered for a longer time than in the story. Hawkmon was wonderful as well. His and Yolei's relationship was written in a subtle way, an accurate equivalent to their relationship in the series. Hawkmon's behaviour, humor and thoughts were displayed just fine, his involuntary part in the plot and, inevitably, Yolei's personality only heightening his importance to the story. I can guess that most judges will find faults in Sora's characterisation. However, my issues with her are few and minor. Her way of teasing, her methods to getting what she wants and her basic traits were all done perfectly, especially for a character as unstable as Sora. The only serious problems I could see was Sora's straight approach to her feelings for Yolei, as well as her sadistic behaviour. The rest of them can be applied to the age factor, and to the generally twisted portrayal - something her family problems, self-hatred, and angst in general could turn her into, I must add. I would suggest a background for it be added, but I prefer the vagueness of the source of her feelings and your fast presentation of them. Izzy did not appear much, but his offer of help, provided that he gets something in exhange, and his logical way of thinking were handled perfectly. There were no real faults with the other characters that made an appearance. The fact that you are using so many different ones also helps cover many readers' preferences. Lemon Scene(s): 19 The lemon scene was hot. Not only were the descriptions detailed and the vocabulary rich, but the concept itself really did them justice. The dialogues in-between created the tension needed to heighten the effect of the lemon scene, and to bring out the trust Sora and Yolei's relationship relied on. Well-done S&M is exceptionally rare to find, and a yuri one is as close to a miracle as you can get. Writing Quality: 17 Nice and fitting decriptions; the only downside is the many repetitions of words and phrases. Grammar: 16 There were quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes, although not so many as to harm the story's flow. You should also watch other mistakes, such as Matt being referred to as the Digidestined of Courage. Total Score: 87 "The Abominable Triangle" Plot: 13 All elements of the story have been done many times before. The messed up triangles were way too convenient, so that everyone got paired up in the end. Rearranging the Halloween celebration for the story's needs also displayed lack of creativity on the author's part. The overused scenario could have still been dealt with in an original way to cover the plot's faults, but you used it the same way most authors do. If you are going to improve its predictability later on, plot twists and different situations would certainly help. Character Depth: 14 Henry's characterisation had many faults. First of all, his thoughts and feelings would have been much more subtle on romantic matters. He would not wonder about the reactions Rika provoked from him, but instead follow them to wherever they would lead because of the confidence in himself. He's also being too much of a sap in the story; if he was going to ask Rika to accompany him, he would do it directly with perhaps a bit of hesitation. Lastly, he would not move on to sex unless he was sure about Rika's feelings - of which he shouldn't be under these circumstances. His relationship with Takato and Terriermon and his way of speaking were fine, though. I have some issues with Rika's portrayal too. I'll start with her crush on Takato; I really can't see her admitting to herself that she likes him, so following him to make sure he asks her out and crying because of his intercourse with Jeri are out of question. She progressed to the sex too quickly too; it would take her some time to work out her feelings for Henry, and I can see her kissing him as a reward for him saving her at the most. Takato was excellent, actually. I can't find any real faults with his characterisation except for the fact that he moved on to sex with Jeri too fast. Jeri has the exact same problem. I should also add that even if they decided to have sex that quickly, they would definitely not do it in that place. The Digimon barely appeared, but they were in-character as far as I can tell. Lemon Scene(s): 17 The first lemon scene was hot, with a perfect length, and very nice descriptions. Takato and Jeri's feelings for each other were made visible in the words you chose as well as the intensity in the descriptions. The second scene was the problem, though; Henry and Rika got to that point too fast, it was too short, and it was seemed in general. The position was a change from the usual and the mist was a nice touch, but they were not enough to make up for the descriptions. Writing Quality: 17 Impressive. The wide vocabulary, which we rarely see in lemons, really kept the fanfic from being boring. The descriptions were also wonderful for most of its length, except for the ending where it began to fall apart. I cut points because the writing quality was worse for a large and single part of the story, and not just bad parts sprinkled sporadically. Grammar: 12 Spelling and grammar mistakes, although certainly existent, weren't much of a problem. The real fault in this section was the lack of apostrophes and commas, which really made it a pain to read. Total Score: 73 "Unforgiven" Plot: 18 Surprisingly compatible with canon and interesting plot. Very nice balance of action and drama, through which we watch Takato and Ruki's characterisation's smooth progress. What took points off it was the fact that we knew what it would all end like; what was left was to watch it reach that point. That would work well in a more complicated plot, but here we can easily come to conclusions ourselves from the first mention of Juri's death. Character Depth: 19 The changes in Ruki's personality were convincingly explained. The reader already knows about her character in the series, and the questions that arise from the beginning of the fanfic are interesting and unique to this story. Her guilt would probably be one of the very few reasons she would allow this to happen to herself, something we were reminded of in many points in the fanfic. The subtlety in the display of her sense of justice and her views on herself also added to her excellent portrayal. More depth in her feelings and thoughts on the matter would help in many ways, but this is closer to something we would see in the series, so it can't really be called a negative point. Takato's aggresive behaviour is, too, given explanations about. Juri's death is a believable reason for it, as his feelings for her were highlighted both in the fanfic and in the series itself. His desperation and anger after the incident were captured in a wonderful way, brought out through both his actions in the lemon scene and in the hits later directed towards his wife and daughter. It helped that it was not exaggerated to the point that it would be called abuse, since Takato would not go that far on a regular basis. Something that did strike me as a con in the characterisation was Takato and Ruki's relationship. Not only did it have a by all views negative image, but it showed no traces of potential either. Takato and Ruki were at least friends before the incident, so I don't think their reactions to it should be stretched that far. The other characters were fine, and I liked the extra information we were given about them. Lemon Scene(s): 15 Definitely above average. Takato's frustration and Ruki's need to redeem herself were reflected in the descriptions and choice of words, emotions that very few authors can work with properly in lemon scenes. While realistic, the scene was too short, though, and part of the tension was lost because of its simplicity. Taking into account everything that had happened to Takato and Ruki before it, it could have been much better. Writing Quality: 17 The writing quality seemed unbalanced in a way; other parts had great descriptions, and others consisted of very simple words and phrases. Grammar: 16 Small mistakes, but they were scattered all through the fanfic, and couldn't go unnoticed from a point on. Shakespeare Reference: +1 Total Score: 86 |
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