Failed attempts at living simple lives are what keep me coming back to you

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

out of any pentameter and the last one is fine because its gives its concussive edge to the ending and makes for a better point to the piece.

Pentameter? As I understand it, in poetry terms, pentameter is five sets of soft and strong stresses. Those lines are only four sets. If you're wondering about the little pause in the middle of those lines, it's to transition from the narrative verse to the imperative chorus in mid-sentence. Here's where I got the idea for the structure:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s5F-xHX1PDE

Well its just that the structure of the words is fine just seems to be a little bit to slow for the part I suggested for you to speed up. Hence why I mentioned those lines. Just thought by speeding it up before hitting the line may be better for the first two and then left the way you have it on its weird syncopation scheme for the ending.

I don't have to boy to your fix.

It's "I don't have to bow to your fix." The fifth word of each of those three lines has an "ow" sound to align with the "now" at the end.

Sorry for the typo.

[Wisemon]

Just thought by speeding it up before hitting the line may be better for the first two and then left the way you have it on its weird syncopation scheme for the ending.

I could pretend I understand what you're saying and would try to remedy it, but I think my ears just aren't as keen as yours.

Anyway, onto the next one, a clever song about yearning and disappointment, perfect for the new year:

Waylaid by the Hype - Benjamin Wiseman

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

Just thought by speeding it up before hitting the line may be better for the first two and then left the way you have it on its weird syncopation scheme for the ending.

I could pretend I understand what you're saying and would try to remedy it, but I think my ears just aren't as keen as yours.

Anyway, onto the next one, a clever song about yearning and disappointment, perfect for the new year:

The first par of the song makes me think of Flogging Molly for some reason. Like a drunken song of good ol' Irish Punk.

As to my comment prior, just meant try to speed up the last lines of where I mentioned in the song faster instead of cutting it down half the normal speed for the first two times and leave it the way it is for the third.

This song was interesting, and would be perfect for Irish Punk music. Nice way to end the year Wise.

[Wisemon]

The first par of the song makes me think of Flogging Molly for some reason. Like a drunken song of good ol' Irish Punk.

I wasn't sure at first, but I think you're right: Irish punk song, but more the fiddle type than the bagpipe type. When I get around to mixing the music, I'll keep that in mind.

In the meantime, I have a few more recorded lyrics. At this time of religion-rooted hostility abroad, I'd like to present my second-most controversial song. This is called "Malignant Devotion," my tribute to every Bad Religion song. This was also one of the toughest songs to record, and it took dozens of takes to get it in a way that sounded right. Let me know what you think.

Malignant Devotion (Vocal Edit) - Benjamin Wiseman

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

The first par of the song makes me think of Flogging Molly for some reason. Like a drunken song of good ol' Irish Punk.

I wasn't sure at first, but I think you're right: Irish punk song, but more the fiddle type than the bagpipe type. When I get around to mixing the music, I'll keep that in mind.

On the side note of everything Wise, just letting you know Flogging Molly doesn't use bagpipes thats Dropkick Murphy's.

and as for your new song...Voice crack right at the end? x..x lol. As for the song I felt it seemed like a seasonal song of Christmas time for some odd reason.

The feel to it. Is rather interesting.
I have one thing that you should kind of tweak is that Malignant Devotion. The words themselves either need to be either spread apart like

"It's malignant.........devotion."
b1 b2-b4 b5-b7 b8 (B=beat)

Or just make it monotone kind of rebel sounding with a stronger end sound to it.

[Wisemon]

On the side note of everything Wise, just letting you know Flogging Molly doesn't use bagpipes thats Dropkick Murphy's.

I knew that. I'm not sure which band I like better, but I do tend to confuse them. Neither makes me want to buy one of their CDs.

and as for your new song...Voice crack right at the end? x..x lol.

Yes, and quite intentional, a metaphor for the cure.

"It's malignant.........devotion."
b1 b2-b4 b5-b7 b8 (B=beat)

I think I get what you're saying. The "nant" is a hard sound, so separating it a bit from the next word could serve it well, but I think 8 beats (if I'm reading that right) is a bit much.

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

On the side note of everything Wise, just letting you know Flogging Molly doesn't use bagpipes thats Dropkick Murphy's.

I knew that. I'm not sure which band I like better, but I do tend to confuse them. Neither makes me want to buy one of their CDs.

and as for your new song...Voice crack right at the end? x..x lol.

Yes, and quite intentional, a metaphor for the cure.

"It's malignant.........devotion."
b1 b2-b4 b5-b7 b8 (B=beat)

I think I get what you're saying. The "nant" is a hard sound, so separating it a bit from the next word could serve it well, but I think 8 beats (if I'm reading that right) is a bit much.

Ah then I understand why you voice cracked.

As for the last I was snapping my fingers quite fast. Probably not at the same tempo you were thinking. Its just to give the space between a bigger pause making your song sound more like a Broadway one liner. :P

[Wisemon]

Now that the site's back, I can resume posting the last few vocal tracks. I think I've saved the best for last, and I hope you agree. Here's the most recent song I've written, "Too Many Beans in This Melting Pot (Mexico 2)":

Too Many Beans in This Melting Pot (Mexico 2) (Vocal Edit).mp3 - Benjamin Wiseman

[blueeyedgabulvo0o]

Not bad at all Wise, felt like a Sublime, Papa Roach, Atlas Kind of feel to your music. The lyrics stand out and more impressive is the sound. I think this is your best vocal by far. Just a few points of voice cracks and a long note before hitting the second verse that I thought of should be read.

The best approach to the song should be like "King for a Day" by Greenday to be honest.

[Wisemon]

Just a few points of voice cracks and a long note before hitting the second verse that I thought of should be read.

Damn, I thought I had rid myself of the voice cracks *sigh*.

The best approach to the song should be like "King for a Day" by Greenday to be honest.

I’m struggling just to learn two keys on a piano. Brass instruments are out of the question (I know the song).