My AU of Red Rover's End Game story

[Marine]

I dislike your main character. He seems too powerful, too Gary Stue, too macho to take on the entire council and Emperor Izzy. I'm looking for an apparent weakness to your character but its not looking to good. No matter how he got these 'abilities', there's too much masculinity to shake a bag at. You can't keep building up strengths and ignoring weaknesses.

There's too many 'was' verbs where better, action verbs could be placed.

[Anonmon]

I dislike your main character. He seems too powerful, too Gary Stue, too macho to take on the entire council and Emperor Izzy. I'm looking for an apparent weakness to your character but its not looking to good. No matter how he got these 'abilities', there's too much masculinity to shake a bag at. You can't keep building up strengths and ignoring weaknesses.

I actually disagree. If this guy possessed untold Gary Stue masculinity, he'd have fucked Lillymon 5 times by now and still not feel tired. Besides, this overpowered character goes by the name "David", not "Chuck Norris."

[Marine]

There's more to masculinity than sex. What made you think Chuck Norris?

[cboy]

I dislike your main character. He seems too powerful, too Gary Stue, too macho to take on the entire council and Emperor Izzy. I'm looking for an apparent weakness to your character but its not looking to good. No matter how he got these 'abilities', there's too much masculinity to shake a bag at. You can't keep building up strengths and ignoring weaknesses.

Okay, so how about giving me some ideas. I put this story up for judgement, but I also put it up so that I could get some help with making it better. What weaknesses should he have; and he doesn't yet know who all is on the council outside of Epsilon nor is he aware of Izzy's powers yet.

[Marine]

The idea is not should, but Why.

Your protagonist is unique to you. Your protaginist, in some degree, is you. And you have flaws, so should your character.

In the next project of your work, you should develop a thorough character sheet for all of your actors. Think of them as birth cirtificates. They have age, height, weight, eye color, hair color, body shape. However, since they are fictional, you can create their personality. Happy, sad, angry, ect., its on your personal taste. Keep in mind you have positive traits and negative ones, called flaws.

These character flaws could be anywhere in any field of your character: his physical description, clothing, his personality, edicut, education, and in general, his character.

An aim for a believable character lies in his flaws.

I can't tell you what flaws David should have, I'm not the author, but I can give you an example of some ideas I've brain stormed.

*For a Rule of Thumb I choose a flaw for every three positive characteristics I have*

Name: David Glensdale

Age: Eighteen

Height: Six foot and six inches

Weight: 186 Pounds

Eye Color: Brown

Hair: Chevy white

*Personal Characteristics*

Pros: Strong. Corageous. Adept at Using a combat knife. Adept fighting alone and without help. High Endurance. Thinking on his feet.

Weaknesses/Flaws: Stubborness. His style of dress pulls him out of a crowded area or group.

Fear: Edible Plants

Motivation: Revenge





*This is a very rough sketch mind you. You want to be more detailed in all the mentioned above.*

[cboy]

Okay, here's the lowdown:

Name: David Crew

Age: twenty

Height: six feet, 10 inches

Weight: 165 lbs

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown

Characteristics:

Pro: Strong, high endurance. Able to think quickly in tight situations. Adept at hand-to-hand combat and combat with bladed weapons. Skilled with firearms. Able to take punishment, including broken bones. Plus a secret power. Willing to do whatever it takes to survive, including kill.

Weaknesses/Flaws: Will often act irrationally when angry, though he also becomes more dangerous. Can be overwhelmed if forced to fight more than one opponent at a time. High endurance often makes him ignore any injuries until they begin to directly affect him, such as multiple wounds leading to dizziness and fatigue from loss of blood; while this can be seen as a strength, it also causes him to ignore injuries that could be life-threatening. Virtually emotionless; he is unable to feel remorse or love due to his upbringing.

Fear: Weakness

Motivation: Survival.

[cboy]

Okay, here's the lowdown:

Name: David Crew

Age: twenty

Height: six feet, 10 inches

Weight: 165 lbs

Eye Color: Brown

Hair Color: Brown

Characteristics:

Pro: Strong, high endurance. Able to think quickly in tight situations. Adept at hand-to-hand combat and combat with bladed weapons. Skilled with firearms. Able to take punishment, including broken bones. Willing to do whatever it takes to survive, including kill. Plus a secret power.

Weaknesses/Flaws: Will often act irrationally when angry, though he also becomes more dangerous. Can be overwhelmed if forced to fight more than one opponent at a time. High endurance often makes him ignore any injuries until they begin to directly affect him, such as multiple wounds leading to dizziness and fatigue from loss of blood; while this can be seen as a strength, it also causes him to ignore injuries that could be life-threatening. Virtually emotionless; he is unable to feel remorse or love due to his upbringing.

Fear: Weakness

Motivation: Survival.

[Anonmon]

OK, how about some more... personal flaws? Combat flaws are not the only kind, nor the most important. This seems like a fighter, but he still needs a personality and an inner life.

In addition, all good characters have quirks. Quirks make a person, real or fictional, unique. Authors create complicated psychoanalyses in their heads of their characters, but readers don't read that. In real life, people don't meet and talk to your life story. People meet and readers read about quirks - how this person is different from all other people.

You can write anything in as a quirk: cigarrete smoking was once common, catch phrases work well, some people fidget with their hands constantly - usually in a characteristic way, and everyone remembers a character's weird habits. Make it different; then make it repeat.

[cboy]

Personality: Dispassionate, cold. Ruthless in battle; you can expect no mercy from him. Very untrusting of people.

I figured the glove on his hand would count as a quirk; the reader is given some clue as to what it hides, yet isn't told exactly what. I figured that would keep the reader interested in his gloved hand, wondering what he's trying to keep hidden. Plus, when I was in school, I wore gloves for a few weeks and everyone immediatly noticed and were always asking me why I wore them.

As far as personal flaws, I think his lack of emotion would count as one. Without emotion, he's like a shell of a human being. It also gives him little to live for.

[Wisemon]

I read about a page. I'll say this: If David were really a badass, he would've beaten those guys without a knife. Calling them "punks" is stupid. Were they all listening to (insert favorite punk band here... The Offspring) before they decided to pounce?

I figured the glove on his hand would count as a quirk; the reader is given some clue as to what it hides, yet isn't told exactly what.

I'm guessing a Pokeball.