today i went with family from out of town and my mom
and i had went in this dollar store and when we had moved,
my ex who was my bf at the time had come with us
and stayed for a week to help us move in and all of that
and i had gone to the mall with him before he left
and we were looking through some stores
and we had gone in the dollar store
and found these two matching rings
one was a celtic symobol
the triquadra
and his was a sun symbol
and they sort of matched
and he bought them for me
he wore the sun one on his ring finger and
he proposed to me, there and then and
i said "yes"
and he slipped that ring on my finger
and i remember feeling so happy
he had promised to buy me a real ring when we got older and he got a good job
and i went there to day
and it came to me, that memory and thought
and i wanted to cry so much but i didnt cause
i know i have to forget him and move on but that memory hurt so much cause its like
i was so happy and sure then we were already married
in soul
i was so sure he was the one and he felt the same
he was gonna marry me
and now i was standing there
and all i could think was
im here alone and he will never marry me
he wasnt my one and all the heartache and pain i endured
doesnt matter anymore because this memory brought it all back
it made my heart ache and the tears form
and its like, "damn"
that was so long ago but that memory was so beautiful
one of our memories echoed in my mind today and it made
me soo sad, it feeled me with grief and without warning or
reason it filled me with grief cause i dont love him anymore
and he doesnt love me and we're nothing now but once we
were and it was one of the beautiful things you could see
seems like sorrow is all everybody ever knows
love is so over rated
full of broken promises and heartache
that can hurt you for years
even if you have moved on
love creates memories and moments
forever remembered within time
love is hopes and dreams and happiness fufilled
but like everything else
it has a dark side as well
its the pain and the fights
and the bitter tears you shed
its those times where you go somewhere you've been with that loved one before
and hear the echos
of pieces of their voice left in time
and the pain overwhelms
it leaves you bitter
the sorrow grows at that moment and there
is not one thing that can be done to stop it
love can leave a bitter taste on your tongue
and a scar that is deep withing your heart
something that never really fully heals
and you can move on and convince yourself that you're alright
and the truth is always there telling you that you're not
love leaves memories, sometimes the beautiful ones that hurt that most
This is why I have taken a harsh stance against ever accepting any girl with whom I "fall" in love. If it's too good to be true, too quick or too perfect, too sweet or too physical, or anything else that isn't gradual, I will not consider it to be love.
I may accept that I can still grow into love with a girl for whom I fall, but...
When I fall my first instinct will be to say "No."
My mind and my body; they already know,
My heart's resolution is just to go slow,
And let love slowly blossom, like flowers to grow.
Speed leads to danger on life as the road,
I won't find a princess and be her prince toad,
Where I walk may be lonely and gray on this road...
But I will not be taken by falling in love.
~ Hunter ("Growth"; 30 July 2006)
Don't let yourself fall. Instead, find someone with whom you can grow.
Edit: Some background...
I know a man who fell. He may not put it that way himself. He fell for a woman I also know well. Their names are unimportant to the story. He fell, but she did not. Perhaps she was submissive in a way, or too passive to resist when his fall drove him to declare they would be married. Whatever the case, she did not object to the idea, though she had not fallen. I know this man only after his fall, as I am a result of it. I and three younger, we know him well... After over 20 years of being a man fallen, he was forced to rise again. And in the rising, I saw his pain, and I know he felt it. I know that he fell in love, and having seen his pain, I have no desire to repeat his mistake. I hope my younger brothers will feel the same...
But because of that pain, though I realize that some, perhaps many, people do fall in love, I do not wish to be one who acts upon a fall. You will see traces of this in Long Distance Romance: Daisuke's Future Life as both Daisuke and V-mon indicate their desire to have a proper relationship, and particularly in V-mon's explanation of the imagery of falling compared to growing. You can see it as well in my drabble True Love and Happiness, and you will see it again in Tenderness. Some degree of it will also be present within Ben and Yamato's relationship in the Future Lives series.
You and your ex are no longer in love. I don't think girls your age should be quite so caught up with who they'll spend the rest of their lives with, anyway. Because, I can almost garentee you, any boy you go out with through puberty will not be your future husband.
It's harsh, but it's something you need to learn through these exeriences.
You have to learn to accept these things, and grow and move on. Don't fall in love, just yet: you don't need a boyfriend. Boys at your age are hormonal and will go after anything in a sufficiently short skirt. What you need is a confident.
Why haven't you spoken to your mother, yet?
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Coming from personal experience, falling in love can both work and HORRIBLY GO DOWN IN FLAMES, especially when it's your first reaction. I've had it go both ways.
Even though it hurts and fucks you up inside and makes you crazy sometimes, I think the learning experience is worth it. It makes you respect and love the person you're with much more that they don't treat you as shittily as someone else has in the past.
Yeah I suppose and yes I have spoken to my mother but, yeah, she was reassuring but i dont need my mother as my confidant right now. It's just, you dont know what my ex best friend posted on this poetry web site that we're both on and then my ex, her bf called me a coward on that website and i didnt even know he was on there.I spammed him.Lol. Ill post her poem on here in a minute, gimme a sec.lol. it was so passionate and from the soul and i was so touched and i was so tempted to just,,,, forget it all ever happened but i couldnt and thats what hurt,shes no good for me if she treats me like that.yeah ill post those poems now.
THis is her poem:
what she deserves
i never knew how she really felt
she waited far too long to tell me
yet had i known the feelings she felt
things would be so much differently
i would not be where i am right
crying my heart out because of the words she spoke
i know at the moment
she hates me so much
she wishes i was dead
she says
to her
I'm as good as dead
and every time i hear something else
it cuts me deeper
deeper than any knife ever could
but i can't hate her
i still love her
she helped me through all the bad times
she always gave me reasons to live
and never
not once
did she fail to amaze me
everything she did was beautiful
just like her face
the face of an angel
I've never been a good friend
and this i know
I've never known how to be
no one ever showed me
that is
until she came along
i should have picked up quicker on the things i should have said
and the things i should have done
but i was blinded by the fact that i was in love
and i can't rewind time
and fix my mistakes
i guess i must learn
from another heartbreak
we had so many arguments
but there we're good times in between
and that's what made it all worth while
the first day we met
we knew there was something between us
and little did i know that things would end up like this
she was my best friend
she was someone i loved in more than just 1 way
she was my other half
my soul mate
and as much as she may not think of me as the same
I'll always love her
and even if she's not in my life
I'll always think of her and wish her the best
because that's what she deserves
she never deserved the pain i caused her
she never deserved to hear the things i said
i should have never made her my only hope
but she was the one who always kept me strong
she kept me wanting to live to see another day
but now what do i do
who do turn i to
all i can do is cry
which isn't how i usually am
it takes alot to break me down
but she knows just how to do it
she knows how to make me scream
she knows how to make me cry
so this is me
spilling out my heart
asking for forgiveness for all the things I've done
but only to remind her
that she's not perfect either
as much as i see her as perfect in every way
i know she's not
but only because of the things she said
and the way she broke me down
and now all i can do is hope
that someday
she'll see
how much she really means to me.
This was my poem:
I Should've Known
by Dreamer Girl on Jul 28
I just wanna tell you
I will remember you
When I go to the park
And I will smile not
shed a tear
You all wanted to hurt
me and cause me to get
depressed
But I'm laughing in your
face because you can't
I've grown too strong and
walked through the dark for
too long to let you get to
me
I'm going to make it without
you even though I will miss
the times we shared
I will never see you again
Any of you and if I somehow
do
I will pretend you don't exist
You're all dead to me and you
know what?
When life beats you down and you
have no one else
For once, don't come crying to
me
Because I'll pretend you're invisible
You're both black snakes and you
deserve each other
You both tricked me and used me and
I want to say that I loathe you both
I can't say the amount of anger
I had for one of you yesterday
It was so much and I just wanted
to slice you open
You can call me morbid but you like
playing games with my heart and my
mind
And you don't know the damage you've
done
Or how you cut me apart inside
I gave you more than I ever had to and
still you cut me just the same but even
deeper every time
So I want to say that I hate you and you
are as good as dead to me
In my eyes, I buried you already and you're
not alive anymore
Do not beg my forgiveness, don't call me on
the phone or text me or IM me on the comp
Because I will not forgive you and you
are a waste of my time
I just wanted to tell you that
I wish you the best when
you're rotting in hell and I hope
the Devil makes you feel at home
Because really that's where you belong
I just wanted to tell you with warmth in my
heart to go to hell and "F*** YOU!!"
And I meant that so sincerely from the
heart
This will be the last time you hear from me
And I hope that when you hear my name
You break down and cry bitter tears and
feel utterly ashamed
I tried to help you and give you my all
until I had nothing left
And now you're out of my life so I'm gonna live
and I'm gonna move on because you're not worth
my tears and none of you deserve my heart
So so long and have a good life in purgatory!!
By Melissa V.
DEDICATED TO KIRSTEN AND AMAR, I HATE YOU BOTH AND YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER YOU SNAKES!!JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU "F*** YOU!!"
