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The Realization Hurt All Over Again - Dreamer - 07-30-2006 today i went with family from out of town and my mom and i had went in this dollar store and when we had moved, my ex who was my bf at the time had come with us and stayed for a week to help us move in and all of that and i had gone to the mall with him before he left and we were looking through some stores and we had gone in the dollar store and found these two matching rings one was a celtic symobol the triquadra and his was a sun symbol and they sort of matched and he bought them for me he wore the sun one on his ring finger and he proposed to me, there and then and i said "yes" and he slipped that ring on my finger and i remember feeling so happy he had promised to buy me a real ring when we got older and he got a good job and i went there to day and it came to me, that memory and thought and i wanted to cry so much but i didnt cause i know i have to forget him and move on but that memory hurt so much cause its like i was so happy and sure then we were already married in soul i was so sure he was the one and he felt the same he was gonna marry me and now i was standing there and all i could think was im here alone and he will never marry me he wasnt my one and all the heartache and pain i endured doesnt matter anymore because this memory brought it all back it made my heart ache and the tears form and its like, "damn" that was so long ago but that memory was so beautiful one of our memories echoed in my mind today and it made me soo sad, it feeled me with grief and without warning or reason it filled me with grief cause i dont love him anymore and he doesnt love me and we're nothing now but once we were and it was one of the beautiful things you could see Love's Truth - Dreamer - 07-30-2006 love is so over rated full of broken promises and heartache that can hurt you for years even if you have moved on love creates memories and moments forever remembered within time love is hopes and dreams and happiness fufilled but like everything else it has a dark side as well its the pain and the fights and the bitter tears you shed its those times where you go somewhere you've been with that loved one before and hear the echos of pieces of their voice left in time and the pain overwhelms it leaves you bitter the sorrow grows at that moment and there is not one thing that can be done to stop it love can leave a bitter taste on your tongue and a scar that is deep withing your heart something that never really fully heals and you can move on and convince yourself that you're alright and the truth is always there telling you that you're not love leaves memories, sometimes the beautiful ones that hurt that most - Nate Hunter - 07-30-2006 This is why I have taken a harsh stance against ever accepting any girl with whom I "fall" in love. If it's too good to be true, too quick or too perfect, too sweet or too physical, or anything else that isn't gradual, I will not consider it to be love. I may accept that I can still grow into love with a girl for whom I fall, but... When I fall my first instinct will be to say "No." My mind and my body; they already know, My heart's resolution is just to go slow, And let love slowly blossom, like flowers to grow. Speed leads to danger on life as the road, I won't find a princess and be her prince toad, Where I walk may be lonely and gray on this road... But I will not be taken by falling in love. ~ Hunter ("Growth"; 30 July 2006) Don't let yourself fall. Instead, find someone with whom you can grow. Edit: Some background... I know a man who fell. He may not put it that way himself. He fell for a woman I also know well. Their names are unimportant to the story. He fell, but she did not. Perhaps she was submissive in a way, or too passive to resist when his fall drove him to declare they would be married. Whatever the case, she did not object to the idea, though she had not fallen. I know this man only after his fall, as I am a result of it. I and three younger, we know him well... After over 20 years of being a man fallen, he was forced to rise again. And in the rising, I saw his pain, and I know he felt it. I know that he fell in love, and having seen his pain, I have no desire to repeat his mistake. I hope my younger brothers will feel the same... But because of that pain, though I realize that some, perhaps many, people do fall in love, I do not wish to be one who acts upon a fall. You will see traces of this in Long Distance Romance: Daisuke's Future Life as both Daisuke and V-mon indicate their desire to have a proper relationship, and particularly in V-mon's explanation of the imagery of falling compared to growing. You can see it as well in my drabble True Love and Happiness, and you will see it again in Tenderness. Some degree of it will also be present within Ben and Yamato's relationship in the Future Lives series. - Herr Mullen - 07-31-2006 You and your ex are no longer in love. I don't think girls your age should be quite so caught up with who they'll spend the rest of their lives with, anyway. Because, I can almost garentee you, any boy you go out with through puberty will not be your future husband. It's harsh, but it's something you need to learn through these exeriences. You have to learn to accept these things, and grow and move on. Don't fall in love, just yet: you don't need a boyfriend. Boys at your age are hormonal and will go after anything in a sufficiently short skirt. What you need is a confident. Why haven't you spoken to your mother, yet? - senjuro - 07-31-2006 Coming from personal experience, falling in love can both work and HORRIBLY GO DOWN IN FLAMES, especially when it's your first reaction. I've had it go both ways. Even though it hurts and fucks you up inside and makes you crazy sometimes, I think the learning experience is worth it. It makes you respect and love the person you're with much more that they don't treat you as shittily as someone else has in the past. what she said today - Dreamer - 07-31-2006 Yeah I suppose and yes I have spoken to my mother but, yeah, she was reassuring but i dont need my mother as my confidant right now. It's just, you dont know what my ex best friend posted on this poetry web site that we're both on and then my ex, her bf called me a coward on that website and i didnt even know he was on there.I spammed him.Lol. Ill post her poem on here in a minute, gimme a sec.lol. it was so passionate and from the soul and i was so touched and i was so tempted to just,,,, forget it all ever happened but i couldnt and thats what hurt,shes no good for me if she treats me like that. - Dreamer - 07-31-2006 THis is her poem: what she deserves i never knew how she really felt she waited far too long to tell me yet had i known the feelings she felt things would be so much differently i would not be where i am right crying my heart out because of the words she spoke i know at the moment she hates me so much she wishes i was dead she says to her I'm as good as dead and every time i hear something else it cuts me deeper deeper than any knife ever could but i can't hate her i still love her she helped me through all the bad times she always gave me reasons to live and never not once did she fail to amaze me everything she did was beautiful just like her face the face of an angel I've never been a good friend and this i know I've never known how to be no one ever showed me that is until she came along i should have picked up quicker on the things i should have said and the things i should have done but i was blinded by the fact that i was in love and i can't rewind time and fix my mistakes i guess i must learn from another heartbreak we had so many arguments but there we're good times in between and that's what made it all worth while the first day we met we knew there was something between us and little did i know that things would end up like this she was my best friend she was someone i loved in more than just 1 way she was my other half my soul mate and as much as she may not think of me as the same I'll always love her and even if she's not in my life I'll always think of her and wish her the best because that's what she deserves she never deserved the pain i caused her she never deserved to hear the things i said i should have never made her my only hope but she was the one who always kept me strong she kept me wanting to live to see another day but now what do i do who do turn i to all i can do is cry which isn't how i usually am it takes alot to break me down but she knows just how to do it she knows how to make me scream she knows how to make me cry so this is me spilling out my heart asking for forgiveness for all the things I've done but only to remind her that she's not perfect either as much as i see her as perfect in every way i know she's not but only because of the things she said and the way she broke me down and now all i can do is hope that someday she'll see how much she really means to me. This was my poem: I Should've Known by Dreamer Girl on Jul 28 I just wanna tell you I will remember you When I go to the park And I will smile not shed a tear You all wanted to hurt me and cause me to get depressed But I'm laughing in your face because you can't I've grown too strong and walked through the dark for too long to let you get to me I'm going to make it without you even though I will miss the times we shared I will never see you again Any of you and if I somehow do I will pretend you don't exist You're all dead to me and you know what? When life beats you down and you have no one else For once, don't come crying to me Because I'll pretend you're invisible You're both black snakes and you deserve each other You both tricked me and used me and I want to say that I loathe you both I can't say the amount of anger I had for one of you yesterday It was so much and I just wanted to slice you open You can call me morbid but you like playing games with my heart and my mind And you don't know the damage you've done Or how you cut me apart inside I gave you more than I ever had to and still you cut me just the same but even deeper every time So I want to say that I hate you and you are as good as dead to me In my eyes, I buried you already and you're not alive anymore Do not beg my forgiveness, don't call me on the phone or text me or IM me on the comp Because I will not forgive you and you are a waste of my time I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the best when you're rotting in hell and I hope the Devil makes you feel at home Because really that's where you belong I just wanted to tell you with warmth in my heart to go to hell and "F*** YOU!!" And I meant that so sincerely from the heart This will be the last time you hear from me And I hope that when you hear my name You break down and cry bitter tears and feel utterly ashamed I tried to help you and give you my all until I had nothing left And now you're out of my life so I'm gonna live and I'm gonna move on because you're not worth my tears and none of you deserve my heart So so long and have a good life in purgatory!! By Melissa V. DEDICATED TO KIRSTEN AND AMAR, I HATE YOU BOTH AND YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER YOU SNAKES!!JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU "F*** YOU!!" |