08-27-2006, 08:37 AM
Why is everything to do with personal hygiene designed to put you in as much discomfort as possible?
I look at products such as this deep clensing face moisturising cream someone gave me, and it's a burning acid. It says "Warming sensation" and yet it burns. It burns like heck. And shaving! Someone keeps blocking up my shaving gel and so I put too little on, slice my face to ribbons and die from aftershave poisoning my bloodstream. Toothpaste's god awful: why did they make it mint? Why not something that tastes nice? Why can't I have a cicken flavour toothpaste? Someone, please, throw a chicken in a bender and pour the bloody carcus into some paste for me to clean my mouth with. Mint is horrible. Do you know why little children won't bruth their teeth? It's the god awful mint. It puts them off it for life. I can only have weak mints because of the trauma I suffered having to stick a bit of pastic with some hair on it into my mouth three times every day of my life with some foul tasting mush on the end of it. Then there's mouth wash: I've got a god awful mouth ulser I'm trying to kill, and I took some of this mouthwash and I'm certain someone at Asda wants me dead because it's like toothpaste mint but stronger and with an added feeling of corosive acid eating away at your tastebuds and cheekbones. I got a bottle of "Natural hair shampoo" the other day, promicing me a "Never before felt sensation." It was right: never before have my eyes burnt so much. I wasn't being clumsy and doucing my eyes with it, throwing it in my face to mesure the pain factor, no. I was just washing my hair on the very back of my head and it ate my scalp and the fumes stung my eyes. Even my tongue, which doesn't make an apparence in the shower very often, was in excutiating pain. Coincidently, the shapoo was "Tealeaf and mint". I'd like to meet the man who decided to put mint in every blasted cleaning product in the univerce, preferably whilst holding a bottle of that shampoo. I'm certain that one day, some big deoderant company will release a mint underarm spray so I can go around in pain all day. It is on that day when I will grow a beard and live in a delapidated castle in Cornwall completely naked, roaming the countryside and telling people to get off my land in a series of uninteligable grunts until I become known as "That naked crazy guy in the castle" and get shot at by famers late at night. Then I will burn any naturally occuring mint I find whilst singing "Oggleboggle! I will hurt the mint! It will burn like my eyes!"
But I don't feel like smelling like a cesspit, so I probably won't. I'll just get very annoyed about it and write an adsurdist stand up/rant about it.
I look at products such as this deep clensing face moisturising cream someone gave me, and it's a burning acid. It says "Warming sensation" and yet it burns. It burns like heck. And shaving! Someone keeps blocking up my shaving gel and so I put too little on, slice my face to ribbons and die from aftershave poisoning my bloodstream. Toothpaste's god awful: why did they make it mint? Why not something that tastes nice? Why can't I have a cicken flavour toothpaste? Someone, please, throw a chicken in a bender and pour the bloody carcus into some paste for me to clean my mouth with. Mint is horrible. Do you know why little children won't bruth their teeth? It's the god awful mint. It puts them off it for life. I can only have weak mints because of the trauma I suffered having to stick a bit of pastic with some hair on it into my mouth three times every day of my life with some foul tasting mush on the end of it. Then there's mouth wash: I've got a god awful mouth ulser I'm trying to kill, and I took some of this mouthwash and I'm certain someone at Asda wants me dead because it's like toothpaste mint but stronger and with an added feeling of corosive acid eating away at your tastebuds and cheekbones. I got a bottle of "Natural hair shampoo" the other day, promicing me a "Never before felt sensation." It was right: never before have my eyes burnt so much. I wasn't being clumsy and doucing my eyes with it, throwing it in my face to mesure the pain factor, no. I was just washing my hair on the very back of my head and it ate my scalp and the fumes stung my eyes. Even my tongue, which doesn't make an apparence in the shower very often, was in excutiating pain. Coincidently, the shapoo was "Tealeaf and mint". I'd like to meet the man who decided to put mint in every blasted cleaning product in the univerce, preferably whilst holding a bottle of that shampoo. I'm certain that one day, some big deoderant company will release a mint underarm spray so I can go around in pain all day. It is on that day when I will grow a beard and live in a delapidated castle in Cornwall completely naked, roaming the countryside and telling people to get off my land in a series of uninteligable grunts until I become known as "That naked crazy guy in the castle" and get shot at by famers late at night. Then I will burn any naturally occuring mint I find whilst singing "Oggleboggle! I will hurt the mint! It will burn like my eyes!"
But I don't feel like smelling like a cesspit, so I probably won't. I'll just get very annoyed about it and write an adsurdist stand up/rant about it.