Knight of the new moon
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Well, I was asked to show my writing in another thread. So, here is a piece I wrote in February of this year.
The Land of Angels
By: Knight of the new Moon
Disclaimer: I don
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Individually, your sentences are nicely constructed, very pleasing. You do a great job working with the deeper aspects of Trigun.
Now, here's the bad news. Your transitions need some work. Your story lacks coherency. It also lacks a plot, though that does seem to be its intention.
"I looked up and saw you;
I know that you saw me.
We froze but for a moment
In empathy."-Rise Against
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I disagree. I knew what the plot was. I saw the whole series so I understood a lot of it. Nice work.
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I like the way it slowly develops here, the grammar and spelling are correct here, I personally like how the sentences are put together.
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Ok there we go. That does sound like how this is.
(and I have the end theme if anyone cares)