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+--- Thread: A little Trigun one-shot (/showthread.php?tid=4847)
A little Trigun one-shot - Knight of the new moon - 05-21-2006
Well, I was asked to show my writing in another thread. So, here is a piece I wrote in February of this year.
The Land of Angels
By: Knight of the new Moon
Disclaimer: I don
- Wisemon - 05-22-2006
Individually, your sentences are nicely constructed, very pleasing. You do a great job working with the deeper aspects of Trigun.
Now, here's the bad news. Your transitions need some work. Your story lacks coherency. It also lacks a plot, though that does seem to be its intention.
- UnknownH - 05-22-2006
I disagree. I knew what the plot was. I saw the whole series so I understood a lot of it. Nice work.
- DragonMasterX - 05-22-2006
I like the way it slowly develops here, the grammar and spelling are correct here, I personally like how the sentences are put together.
- Wisemon - 05-22-2006
Quote:I disagree. I knew what the plot was. I saw the whole series so I understood a lot of it. Nice work.I know Trigun has a plot, and I can see how this is based very firmly on Trigun's plot. I've seen every episode at least twice, and I've downloaded pieces of the soundtrack, great soundtrack, by the way, but that's not the point. The plot of this story is vague, but it seems to be intentionally vague.
- UnknownH - 05-23-2006
Ok there we go. That does sound like how this is.
(and I have the end theme if anyone cares)