Grant a wish.

[Kurtz]

Granted, but since I'm seeing things, I send you a laptop instead.

I wish that I knew why I have a book in front of me and I'm not reading it.

[Shadowknight]

Granted, turns out you lack the basic intelligence to read it.

I wish for a good book to read.

[Kurtz]

Granted, here's the entire trilogy of The Lord of the Rings. Now read.

I wish that there was a bowl with food in front of me...

[Shadowknight]

Already read that. *Tears up the book and puts it into a bowl with some water* Granted.

I wish for you to eat that whole thing, or no octopus for you.

[Kurtz]

Granted, but it immediately disappears the second I attempt to eat it.

I wish that my head fell off... it feels heavy.

[Shadowknight]

*Stands above you with a golf club* GRANTED! FOUR!!

I wish for a caddy, I shouldn't have to carry my own stuff.

[Kurtz]

Granted, now I'll carry it and make your wish useless.

I wish you'd be cruel to me for once.

[DragonMasterX]

*turns into Tyrant, then grabs you from your crotch with one tail and launches you high in the sky, shred you to little pieces of meat with his claws, then plays with the bits puzzle for 20 painful hours until he finally manages to re-integrate Kyo, then transforms back* Granted.

I wish Tyrant was uber powerful and giant.

[Kurtz]

...Granted. *tries to put neck back into proper position* But then he seperates from you, becomes a proper being himself, slams you into the ground, and leaves you there.

I wish that you could get back up.

[DragonMasterX]

Granted, but now I can be Tiamat without having to enrage Kaiser.

I wish that you haven't wished that.