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I didn't think of lightbulb jokes.
Q: How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 11. 1 to hold the lightbulb and 10 to drink whiskey till the room spins.
Q: How many IRS agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just 1, but it REALLY gets screwed.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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how many pollocks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5, one to holf the ladder and 4 to turn the ladder.....
how many belly dancers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Fuck that shit, we'll watch them and screw it in later....
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lonelygabu~~
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Here's one a triple-threat friend of mine told me once.
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A woman was shopping at a drug store one day. After collecting all her items, she went to the cash register to purchase her items. The clerk, being the keen and observant man that he was, noticed immediately that the woman had only ONE of each item. One tube of toothpaste, one small bottle of shampoo, one tooth brush...
He looked up at her and said, "Are you single?"
Blushing, she looked away and murmured, "Yes."
He replied, "I figured, cause you're so fuckin' ugly!"
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I have no idea why it struck me so funny when I heard it, but I nearly peed in my pants and couldn't breathe for almost 2 minutes. My stomach ached the next morning. It was good times.
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I have this joke I really laugh my head off, I hope you understand it 
The Physics teacher suddenly tells the pupils ''If you solve this problem I give you, that one won't have to do any homework till the end of the year'' ''Hell Yeah!!'' Most of the students yelled and the teacher quickly added ''Okay then, A plane flies off from the airport and goes straight with a constant speed of 347 kilometers per hour heading for Russia, it has seven rooms for guests, it's fully packed, except for some half packed luggage, three bathrooms and an engine that was about to break down any moment, I have a sister that lives in Madrid and a little dog that likes corn, how old I am? You have 5 minutes'' ''What!? That's not fair!'' The pupils compied except for one who raised his hand to answer ''I know teacher'' ''You know how old I am?'' ''Of course, you are 44'' ''Impressive *applauds a little* how did you know?'' The student relaxed back and just told him ''Because I have a half-idiot friend and he is 22''
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Ehh... don't mind me, it's quite bad, but meh... I really laughed at it!
![[Image: FearthatPlushy.jpg]](http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c40/BlackSpyromv_33/FearthatPlushy.jpg)
a bit harsh, but i got a cheap laugh out of it:
How many emo-kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
50: 1 to screw it in and throw the old one on the floor in a hissyfit, and 49 to slit themselves with broken glass to show their friends the next day!
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Ha Ha Ha Emo kids. A lot of lightbulb jokes can be funny if you find the right people. Like how many goths does it take? None They like to sit around in the dark.
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goths and emo kids.....
ha ha ha hahahahahahhaha
Rolls on the floor with two many mental pictures those are really good....
How many New York Knicks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
The whole team and there coach cracking the whip, what a bunch of losers....
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lonelygabu~~
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YES! I FOUND THE BOOK! Here are a few:
Did you hear about the blonde who stopped breastfeeding her infant? It hurt too much when she boiled her nipples.
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"Mom," A little boy asked, "does Jesus use our bathroom?"
"Why, no." his mother said sweetly. "Why do you ask?"
"Cause every morning, daddy kicks the door and yells, "Christ, are you still in there?"
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Q: How do we know Adam was gay?
A: He had Eve and an apple and he ate the apple.
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Q: What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?
A: Both contain stiffs, but the one in the coffin is coming while the one in the coffin is going.
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You know you've led a good, long life when they put the cake ingredients in a pan, light the candles, and the cake cooks itself.
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Q: What's the worst gift that can be given a blind person?
A: A paint-by-numbers set.
Q: What's the worst gift a blind person can give?
A: The painting.
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Q: What's the theme song for two blind people playing tennis?
A: "Endless Love."
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Q: Why do blind people masturbate with one hand?
A:So they can moan with the other.
I'll write more later. The book has jokes on almost everything (religion, disabilitys, racism, gays, bisexuals, and alot of other stuff.) so tell me if there's a specific category that you wanna hear.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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a couple of those were ridiculous and if you are taking on jikes how about some polish ones....
Polish Invention list
1) sumbarmine with a screen door...
2) glass hammer.
3) helicopter ejector seat
etc.....
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lonelygabu~~
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Quote:The book has jokes on almost everything (religion, disabilitys, racism, gays, bisexuals, and alot of other stuff.)
Sweet! How about some religion? And keep 'em coming!
Why do cops like to be buried twelve feet underground instead of the traditional six feet?
A: For symbolism: Deep down they really are good people
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This one's from a site called The Green Chaos
A punk with a rainbow-colored mohawk sits down on a bench next to an old man. After awhile, he notices the old man is staring at him. "What's wrong, old timer?" asks the punk, "Never done anything wild in your life?" "Actually," says the geezer, "One time I screwed a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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