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This place is great, normaly I can't say any of my jokes without getting yelled at.
Thes are pretty funny:
A distressed man downed several drinks in rapid succession. The bartender asked him, "You trying to drown your sorrows, buddy?"
"You could say that," the guy replied.
"It usually doesn't work, you know," the bartender said.
"No shit," the man moaned. "I can't get my wife anywhere near the water."
And,
A man on a road trip stopped at a rest area to relieve himself. The first stall in the rest room was occupied, so he went into the second one. As soon as he sat down, the man in the next stall said, "Hi there. How's it going?"
The man thought it was odd to start a conversation in a toilet, but just to be nice, he said, "Not bad."
Then the voice said, "What are you doing?"
The man reluctantly replied, "Well, I'm on a road trip."
At this, the stranger said, "Look, I'll call you back. Every time I say anything to you, some idiot in the next stall keeps answering me."
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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I heard the second one before. But the first one wasn't all that bad.
HA! the second one's pretty good: i guess i'll give another one of mine:
_____________________________________________________________
A hands-on advertiser for a new detergent called 'Blue Cheer' knocks on an apartment door in hopes that he'd be allowed inside. When an old lady opens the door, she feels sorrow for the poor guy and allows him inside. While he's setting up his tubs of detergent to show a demonstration, she's told to get a dirty article of clothing. When she finally finds a stained scarf, she gives it to the spokesman to see his demo. (sing along!)
"Wishy-wishy washy in the New-Blue Cheer,
Wishy-wishy washy and it comes out clear!
Bring it to your nose,
smells like a rose!"
After giving back the stainless sock, he asks her to find something a little more repulsive than just a scarf: she agrees and eventually finds a stained sock. Giving it to the spokesman, he repeats the process:
"Wishy-wishy washy in the New-Blue Cheer,
Wishy-wishy washy and it comes out clear!
Bring it to your nose,
smells like a rose!"
After another successful cleaning, the old lady is told to find something absolutely disgusting to close the demonstration. To fully convince herself that this product is truly the best, she finds an old pair of stained panties to give to him. He then begins what would definetely be his last demo.
"Wishy-wishy washy in the New-Blue Cheer,
Wishy-wishy washy and it comes out clear!
Bring it to your nose............................
_____________________________________________________________
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yet another,
HOW TO TAKE A SHOWER
How to Shower Like a Woman:
* Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry
hamper
according to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
* If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror * make mental
note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
* Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth,
long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with
43
added vitamins.
* Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
* Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner
enhanced with real passion fruit.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10
minutes until red.
* Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake
body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off hair.
* Shave armpits and legs.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
* Spray mold spots with Tilex.
* Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
* Dry with towel the size of a small country.
* Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
* Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on
head.
* If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas.
How to Shower Like a Man:
* Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and
leave them in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom.
* If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making
the "woo-woo" sound.
* Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
* Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your ass.
* Get in the shower Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
* Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them
off.
* Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
* Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding
area.
* Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on
the soap.
* Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
* Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid bathmat.
* Dry off forearms and butt only.
* Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging
out of tub the whole time.
* Admire wiener size in mirror again. Shake it to watch
water
fly off.
* Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and
fan
on.
* Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
* If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and
make the "woo-woo" sound again.
* Throw wet towel on bed.
* Have a great day! And, "woo woo"!!!
Who agrees?
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
Some men are more cleanly than that... Some of us at least.
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I agree. I don't do that.
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I just hose myself down in the backyard.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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Seriously?....
You hose yourself?....
Interesting :shock: .... ....
um.....
~~
lonelygabu~~
~~
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Well, I sure as hell don't pull off the woman's schedule more than the guys!
I'd say about 70% of that second schedule's on my morning agenda.
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