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(Still talking to Gabs on the phone while reading the cat and dog jokes) I'm laughing maniacally. (and Gabs is beating on something and yelling penis....now he's singing 'Time of my Life'...wtf.) Anyways...the cat one was hilarious..I was reading it out loud as if it were Stewie from Family Guy...hehehe. (and now Gabs is cutting a tomato and it sounds like he using karate on it) i think I'm embarrassing him...he's gunna be pissed...hehe I love you Gabs. (he's singing 'do your ears hang low' and now hes saying 'whip it...whip it good...whip it...like you know you should.) OK I think I'm done for now....til my next post...lol
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:oops: you are eviIIIIIIL!!!!!! :P
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*laughs maniacally* I love you too Gabs. I had to do it because it's sooo funny...(still talking to Gabs on the phone) It's been 152 minutes O_O and you say that we don't have a decent phone convo anymore...well what do you think we're doing now. (He's making fun of me for typing as fast as I am...and now he's acting like he's Chinese) Gabs, you are great. <3 (He just went 'Chicka Chicka Meow Meow' and now's he's making an ass out of himself singing like a cat and a dog going 'meow meow woof woof woof woof meow meow meow woof woof' and he just said 'Karaoke Kitty' hehe this is fun. I love you Gabs. ^_^
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First off, you two are/were talking on the phone and chatting online at the same time? That's kinda wierd.
Second, DOES HE DO REQUESTS!? DO THE MEOW MIX SONG!!
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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Yeah we do that all the time, Shadow. We talk on the phone and on the interet at the same time. It's hilarious. He makes me laugh all the time...especially on webcam...he doesn't have to try very hard to make me smile. Gabs is one amazing person. I can't even SAY how much Gabs means to me...I just can't put it into words...
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I still wanna see the meow mix song.
And speaking of cats! Here's proffesor Shadow's laws of cat physics!!
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
And the blonde jokes!!
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note from Prof. Shadow: for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
Only got one blond joke for now:
Two blondes are staring at each other from different sides of a roaring river. Eventually, one says:
"How do I get to the other side of the river?", before the other responds:
"Are you stupid? You are on the other side of the river!!!"
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Random jokes:
Two guys walk into a bar, the third ducks.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.
You should always give 100% at work...
12% Monday; 23% Tuesday; 40% Wednesday; 20% Thursday; 5% Friday
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef.
Q. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A. The taste!
Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.
Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac?
A. Once were worriers.
Q. What's a hindu?
A. Lays eggs.
Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.
And can't go without the blonde joke.
Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.
Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
"Stand tall and shake the heavens!" - Xenogears.
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It took me a few seconds to get the wallpaper joke.... I guess I'm not too sadistic.
This is one that I just ran across and I found it funny.
This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion Of National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?
The radio went silent and the interview ended.
