heres a sneak peek of a lemon ive been working on...

[Wisemon]

The Narrator can be a hugely funny, interesting, or stylish thing in a story. I think that the way The Narrator is written is a reflection on the author, and on the style.

I agree completely.

[Shadowknight]

not bad needs a lemon scene though not just:
(Gunter: (to readers) we can only imagine what happened next.)

very nice rough draft you should definately finish it and keep writing whether people like it or not.

Now as a diehard class 5 Final Fantasy nerd: you got the personality's of the characters great. Zell's curiosity of machines, squall's attitude, Rinoa's slutiness, and the others. One small, miniscule, unimportant mistake I noticed, and am only mentioning because i'm a nerd, is that Selphie's ultimate weapon is called the "strange vision" not "save the king" but that's no big deal.

[senjuro]

Save the Queen is Quistis' ultimate weapon, and was also a Knight Sword in Final Fantasy Tactics that granted always Protect (or maybe Shell...can't remember which) to its user.