Inside me is a black tornado

[Wisemon]

Really, I don't think this girl
like you. It is simple: when a girl likes somebody, she tries to look perfect. She won't reveal her dark sides, unless she thinks that the guy will like them

The thing is, she never liked anybody, so she revealed her dark side to every guy who approached her in order to scare them off. The problem was that it didn't work against me; it made me like her more. So then she had to try to come up with excuses whenever I asked her for a date. It didn't take long for me to figure things out, and that's when she told me everything. After that, we became friends, and I'm essentially her only friend, the only person she's willing to tolerate as a friend. She says that she always gets into heated arguments with every guy, as do I, but somehow, we agree with each other on everything. Today was her birthday, and after giving her the birthday poem I wrote (which she really enjoyed), we talked for an hour and a half, and it was cool. She's the only person I can tolerate talking to for that long without getting annoyed by some lameness or phonyness. It was a great conversation. We talked about our futures, and made fun of everybody around us. I'll give you an example of our similarity in personality. We have a problem with smokers outside of our building, and I had suggested using squirt guns, but was told that it was too extreme. When asked what she would do, she said we should use pellet guns. Yep, she's a shade darker (mentally) than me.

[UnknownH]

Ummm... I did realize that you did have some experience with girls...Unlike Wisemon, you do know how to treat a girl, and I do bet that will be a great help for you in the future. Girls always appreciate a nice guy who listen to them.

hmm yep that's me the nice sometimes quiet guy who'll listen *sigh*
and wise is just different he's very angry I don't think he ever really told me why but I never really cared to ask either

[Wisemon]

wise is just different he's very angry I don't think he ever really told me why but I never really cared to ask either

There have been a lot of factors. I've had a lot of bad social stuff in the past decade, a lot of outside looking in, a lot of taunting and name calling, a lot of reputation without any close friendship, a lot of potential relationships that I chose not to pursue because I thought they'd only end for college, two years of daily growth hormone injections, twelve years of psychiatrists who didn't do shit, lots of prescribed mood drugs and blood tests, an "aid" who kept me down by making me essentially a "special" kid for six years, an inability to speak my mind to teachers without detentions, two years of complete seclusion with mind numbing work and weight gaining once college started, a really rough and low skill/paying side job on the weekend after getting fired scapegoat style from the one before, an ability to start conversations after going through all this shit, general bad luck, and I listen to angry music. Does that answer your curiosity?

[UnknownH]

uh...ok yeah I guess you should angry then

[Thunder]

I understand what you mean, Zephyr. I think I've found love for the moment, but everything else you said I sympathise with. I especially agree that women need certain stereotypical characteristics to be considered physically "good-looking". I've had that problem all my life, and I bet it must seem even more unfair for you, since you claim you're actually pretty.

And the thing with relationships... Ugh. Worst part is when guys or girls whom you consider annoying and hypocritical get together with cute and fun people. It doesn't help that I'm a very jealous person; I even envy my closest friends when they get involved in a relationship.

There's nothing that can be done about that, I don't think, unless you're willing to change yourself for others. I wouldn't advice you to do that, since you appear to be special in ways any intelligent person would find very charming. It's a problem our society has, most likely stemming from the standards other people set for us in our developing ages.

However, I think it's naive to believe that your need for it was implanted by a general dogmatic belief. Love is vital, at least for humans, whatever form it comes in; at your age, it's only natural that the romantic kind of love will be the kind to draw you.

For now, I would only advice you not to set requirements for guys, when it comes to categorising them as "relationship-material". You shouldn't apply rules for love, or go looking for it. It'll come by itself. I hope it does end up crossing your way in the end, because it really is worth the time and trouble. That, and because you really do appear to deserve it, considering you're a girl with such passion about what she does. :)